Weekly Recap: Friday February 22, 2019

Blog Life

I hope you are keeping up. A new blog has hit everyday this month so far.  We talked about a lot of mental health topics one way or another. It was necessary. One I got a lot of emails from followers requesting it. Also life hit me this week in various forms. I am one who tries to practice what she preaches. So I made my mental health my number one issue to maintain this week. Nothing in particular set me off it’s just that I am aware from therapy how to recognize when I am becoming elevated. I hope you have the same mindset for your life. It’s important to check in with yourself and slow things down. Life is already crazy enough.

Fit Life

I got into another Broad Street Run! I am more than excited. This is year 2 and although I now know what to expect I want to fix a few things that I didn’t know about the run this year. I want to train a little better.  So I am hitting the pavement sort of talk by running outside earlier. This will work with my stamina. It was pure adrenaline and training that helped me last year. But I want to get stronger and do this right!  Also I have the Hot Chocolate 15K in April. Its run season.  So I am training which means I will cut down on alcohol and focus on more water intake etc. Its hard lets not kid ourselves. The run is on Cinco de Mayo I will reward myself with a margarita and some banging tacos. Until then I go hard and show up for myself. So my training have gotten a little more intense. I am making sure I have what I need ahead of time. Send some running vibes my way!

Shout out to Cake Bams for sending me the best artisan rice cakes that I’ve ever had. These health-ish cakes were covered in goodness. The four flavors, love you matcha, chocolate chip crookie, salt in the dark and birthday erryday! You’ve had flavored rice cakes but never none like this. So such a sweet and amazing treat to end my 4 day workout week!!

Kid Life

We celebrated my youngest 5th birthday. That means we do not have any more babies in our house. She is officially a big girl! This is also the anniversary of the blood clot that almost took my life having her. I am grateful for her. She is like a fresh breath of life. She is an amazing child. She had the day to go to the movies to see Lego Movie 2: The second part. She honestly fell asleep but it wasn’t because of the movie it was because she woke up super early and excited to see what we had planned for her day. The movie itself was good having a lot of parts for the adults too.  She also went out for lunch, took in a lot of phone calls and Facetime from family and got the gifts she wanted. We also had a party for her with her classmates at school and that was what she wanted. I was glad that as parents instead of pushing our agenda. I am learning to take cues from the kids on how they want to be celebrated.  In our house birthdays are always a big deal because it’s the one day that should be yours. We enjoyed cake at home so this week my workouts had to match them slices!  My other kids have enjoyed their 3 day week and a snow day.  Pray for my grocery bill. They can eat. I enjoy watching them enjoy what kids should be enjoying.  As long as my kids are happy and healthy that is a big win!  I am extremely blessed to have the children that I have!

noey

Personal Life

This week I took out time to get me together. It takes a lot to juggle the many hats that I wear at any given time. I am amazed at each passing day just to get to the next. I do not think I am some wonder but its a lot in our house and lives to maintain it all.  However so much joy I have found in reconstructing what I want and what I need and finding alternatives to getting the things I want in a different way.

I was able to celebrate Galentine’s Day with one of my favorite humans, K at True Food in King of Prussia. This is a great spot if you want to eat healthy and without regret meal but still have an amazing food experience.  I had the Dashi Ramen bowl that had the right amount of kick to it. I also for dessert had the flourless chocolate cake. I know what your thinking-how can this be good?  Well it was amazing. It was served warm with vanilla ice-cream on top drizzled in caramel sauce and it was super delicious. Can’t forget about cocktails. I had War of the Roses (keep in mind it was Valentine’s Day weekend) which had pomegranate infused vodka, rose petal, pineapple and orange. From first sip to last it was definitely memorable. True Food also serves an amazing brunch on the weekends and has a kids menu in case you have to travel with the kiddies. Thanks True Food for an amazing dinner date with my boo. Also the restaurant is super beautiful. If you love taking pictures for the gram, this is your place. The green is beautiful and its so open and clean including the see through kitchen area.

date

I don’t always get to see all of my girlfriends as often as I would like. Many of my closest friends live out-of-state. However K and I are able to have monthly dates. Monthly dates help to keep us close and being around each other is pure joy. If you have good friends nurture those relationships. I try to keep in contact with my out-of-state girlfriends with messages and videos as often as possible!

Events

spread love

This Saturday join me and the rest of TCP as we “Spread Love” event. You can either donate goods, help spread love, or attend and bring ideas as to what can be done in the community.  One winner will receive $500 to make that idea happen. Let’s come together and support one another!

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Diana Anello from Bredenbeck’s 2018 best in taste and show

I will be attending this Sunday Variety, The Children’s Charity of Delaware County “Let them eat cake under the stars” event. You can get tickets to this amazing fundraiser as with your cost of ticket allows you unlimited drinks as well as samples of some amazing cakes from the area. Who doesn’t like cake?  I will be doing my morning run and workout just so be sure I can eat cake and help deserving kids and juveniles in my area live a quality life.

I have a special project that I am working with on Monday with some of my fellow bloggers that I will do a special blog for on Tuesday.  All I can say is my workout game got to be strong it’s going to be one yummy treat!

Also March is coming! It’s Women’s History month and we are going to be giving you some amazing interviews this year! Be on the lookout!

Today is also national margarita so if you’re able and like them grab one!!

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Slow Down

I am meticulous about deadlines and schedules. It drives my husband nuts because he’s the type that goes with the flow! However today in my commute home I ran into an older woman who many passed by. She looked lost and asked me how to get to the train station. She said she was worried she has missed it.

Even though I left my office 10 minutes later than normal and normally I would have been hustling quick to get to the train station I let her know I would not only escort her to the train but I would make sure she got on the right one. As we began walking slowly she started to share her story with me. These last couple of days I’ve been thinking about my great grandparents and this women’s spirit reminded me of my great grandmother. I took her to make sure she got on her train and she had me call her family to let them know what time she would arrive. I enjoyed that slow down.

I wasn’t late after all. We both were able to get on the train to our destination. She said so many people walked past her that she was getting anxious about finding the train station in time. I was anxious about being on time but our time was perfectly matched. I’m a firm believer even with anxiety that we will be at the right place at the right time. Today was that reminder. She said I provided her with comfort and today she provided me with joy! I pray nothing but blessings into her life! Such a sweet woman!

It pays to slow down and realize that delays are sometimes super necessary. There’s someone who needed me but in essence I needed her love and warmth!!

Ask Toi: How do I Break it to a Friend that they can’t attend events with me due to their bad attitude?

This is tricky but necessary. I mean you could if you didn’t want to confront your friend, attend the events and not have to give a reason. However if your friend asks I would be honest with them. Sometimes you must have a difficult discussion. There is no way around your friend’s bad attitude.

Keep in mind that your friend is mostly aware of their bad attitude. Your friend may even disguise it with this is how I am take it or leave it type talk. People always find ways around accepting their behavior and doing something about it. You may not win your friend over by telling them about something they may not want to accept. However I wouldn’t invite them to events until they actually did. Your friend is going to say you changed or you’re stuck up but remember end of day you don’t want to spend the night having to defend your friend’s attitude and behavior. No one wants that. You want to go and enjoy yourself. If your friend is being awful to others because “that’s how it is” they can be that way at home.

You also don’t have to necessarily cut your friend off but keep in mind but having the conversation might tip it that way. Listen people with bad attitudes aren’t oblivious to how they are often times they don’t care. You can make up valid reasons of pain and past traumas and they all could be valid. However what’s not valid is knowing those triggers exist and expecting to be in a world where we should just deal with embarrassing behavior just because. Tell your friend the truth. Expect them to be mad. In time when they are ready to accept responsibility which also means change, you and your friend can hang out in public events without everyone around you having to be put off by your friend’s bad attitude.

As always good luck. Don’t back down because your friend will say that if you are my friend you should understand them. It’s not okay and accountability is important! Speak up and good luck!

Ask Toi: When should you disclose your sexual status to someone?

I think the earliest that you can before any sexual lines are crossed. I know people have casual sex but if you do it’s still important to have that conversation with someone early. Never wait.

For anyone who takes on the responsibility of sex, condoms are number one. You must protect your own life at all times. Condoms are not 100% either. They break or can slip out-of-place, be vigilant. No one ever looks “dirty” as people used to call it. You must remember this is the age of information. It’s not dirty it’s about knowing your status and the status of your partner. If you are having casual sex you take on an incredible risk to yourself and someone’s life. Sex can kill you. You don’t have to be afraid but you do have to be vigilant. This is why I never tell married woman not to continue getting tested. I told my readers how a doctor told me that because I am married I carry a smaller risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease. In theory he was right in real life I will never take that chance. Love and responsibility are two different things. My quality of life can easily be interrupted by one slip of myself or my mate. Protect yourself at all times.

Do not let the heated moment of sex ever put your life at risk. Not everything can be cured with a pill or a shot. Don’t play Russian Roulette with your life. Know your status, speak up early, and wrap it up and married or not always know your status and constantly get checked!

How to Start a Creative Outlet

I get asked how I started the blog. I have told you from day one it was started after I dealt with and got past my postpartum depression following the birth of my middle child. Having to find ways to put life in perspective for me opened up my creative flow. I researched blog sites on how to write one on a free site like WordPress and I started writing.

If you go back to my earlier blogs you can see the growth.  In the beginning I didn’t have a clue about how I wanted the blog to look.  Since then I have been able to have a graphic designer that I call on to help me with various projects such as logos and my newsletters.  I am more savvy about lighting in pictures recently being gifted the appropriate light to make things better and a few steps away from getting the camera that I want to really set things right. You take a vision and you just start.  When its your gift, working hard will bring people into your inner circle who will teach you the ropes. I have had amazing bloggers who gave  and still give me tips and while adopting them they do work.  I have been blessed to be able to make it happen.

Never be afraid to leap. I had no idea anyone would read my real life story. They have. That initial fear was real. I would love to say I just leaped and everything aligned. It didn’t. I first had to combat and set the stage for those in my inner circle to know that I wouldn’t blog them without permission. Also I had to let those in my inner circle know if I am inspired I will blog when necessary. I had folks say why would you tell people that? My answer is simple, it’s my life and my story to tell.  I get to be as intimate with the details as I want. In addition to that I have always been clear not to include anything about my kids or husband that would embarrass them in any way. My kids love that I blog and often ask for me to blog because they think I just post pictures. My husband is my number one supporter, reposting all articles without having to be asked. He loves that I have this creative outlet. I can now focus on it and it rounds out my life. Not once have we ever argued over a blog. I have shared some amazing deep issues and it’s not an issue. He respects my space and my blog. He’s quick to say, you better blog it!

black laptop computer

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I blog extremely consistent. This month, a new blog each day. Now that I have moved from the free WordPress to paying for it and owning the domain I can blog, set for it to hit and go live at a specific date and time. People think I live blog meaning I blog and then set it. Nope! My life is super busy. I blog and move on because I can control the time it goes live without sitting at my laptop to do it. I started blogging on my phone, moved over to a laptop and now can alternate between both.  I am grateful for all of the support I have gotten in these last 4 years. Recently I have been networking with other bloggers and we have a few things up our sleeve. If you noticed in the last year, I have been out and about a lot more often.  I have blogged many events that I am invited to and its been fun expanding.  These last few months have been amazing as I learn the who is who of Philly, find new spots to enjoy life, and just be as creative as I want to be.

Take the initial step. Know your audience. Be flexible to learn. Take criticism with strong skin. People will tear you down in this media world. They have an opinion of your opinion. Do not be afraid of the commenters. They mean well but sometimes people will say things behind a screen they would never say to your face. Be prepared if you speak about past pain that involves others. Never reveal who they are unless you can handle the offline pressure. However you still have a right to tell your story from your perspective. Be prepared for friends and family to be mad, jealous, envious and say mean things. It’s not always just an Internet Troll. It can be from the ones you love who think you aren’t an authority to speak on a topic. This is why I speak from my perspective and no one can take that from me.

Imagine a world where people want to shut a person down for their personal experiences. There are a lot of people who grow from reading blogs. They may be experiencing the same types of pain so never be afraid to talk about it. Blogging takes a little curve to learn how often you want to do it.  Write at your own pace. I started doing it 2 times a week sometimes only a few times a month. Then my mentor  told me I needed to step it up when I was ready and now its very few in-between where 3-4 blogs a week doesn’t happen.

If you want to start a creative space of blogging, YouTube videos, etc do it!  You got it in you don’t waste it just because you don’t have all the tools. I started with a phone, no laptop, a free site, no camera, no lighting and just went for it. Research what you need. Amazon has been my friend.  I have found the items that I needed at a fraction of the price for equipment. As you grow, companies may want to help you expand and offer you items you need too. Do not ever be afraid to ask.  Friends and family may be willing to help too. I have had some great friends guide me to little shortcuts to achieving the same goals. As much as the hurdles came, it was in me to overcome it.  Now I expect to add more tools as I expand. Also ToiTime is registered and I am expecting to be able to be in full branding mode soon. One dream can turn into reality. I am walking proof that you got it in you and you can make it happen!

Start today. You can always correct what you don’t know but you can’t correct when you sit idle hoping to begin!

Monday Motivation: Take Care of You

Good morning. Whether you are off this President Day or working like me today’s motivation is about reminding you to take care of you.  I know you have a lot on your mind and heart.  I know you have a to do list that’s super long, but taking care of you while you accomplish these goals is extremely important.

People talk about not being selfish in life and that’s real.  However there are a few things that you must be selfish in and that’s taking care of you. Not worrying about everyone else around you and then setting you on the list last. I hear so many people say how much time they don’t have. Yet if you are sitting up at night stressing you have time to find ways of taking care of your needs. How can you use the time you think you don’t have?  Simple.  Learn to make a list.  Cross off things as you get them done and move on to the next thing. Make a list of health related items to get done. Did you get your teeth checked in last 6 months? If you are a woman have you had your gynecological exam and breast examined? Men if you are of age have you checked your prostate and have a physical?  I know you’re tough and are okay but a physical will lay it all on the table.  Start there. That’s checking your health.  What about mental health?  How are you REALLY doing?  Do you find yourself snapping out on others around you?  Could you benefit from therapy to attack some stressors and old pain that’s not healed. Healing will bring things to the surface for you to deal with and not ignore.

How about how you make a living or accomplish those goals?  Are you walking in your purpose?  Do you wake up every day dreading going into work because its simple just filling the time on Earth and paying your bills?  Have you considered using that job to reach your ultimate goal. This means sitting down and making a 1 month, 6 month, 1 year, etc plan.  Yes work in the day, and at night find a way to put aside money for your dream.  This changes how you wake up. Yes the folks on the job irritate you, but you aren’t working for a check anymore. You are now working towards a dream.  See how you can switch the perspective?

Get up and do one thing this morning that is about change. This morning I woke up with the world on my mind. I said Toi today is about how you can make a few things happen.  I looked at my vision board and said today I will attack one thing from each category to get to my vision.  A vision is simply the guideline but you have to put in the work to make it happen. Those cut outs are only helping you visually see the steps, so let’s get to the steps. Happy Monday and crush those goals. Trust me life is going to throw enough curve balls. You got to know when to let a few go past you, duck, and catch the ones that are for you. Today, its okay to focus on your goals. I would hate to see all that life inside of you diminish because your focus was fixing everyone else and not living your best life.

Sunday Message: Be your Own Party

There are so many times where we need the affirmation of those around us. Let’s be honest, people are attempting to push through their own stuff. As much as you should have people who celebrate you, don’t get discouraged when others can’t tap into you like you want!

So what happens when you have to turn things into a party of one?! You turn that celebration up! Yes you celebrate you like you want others to celebrate you! Your internal celebration dial sometimes has to be turned high. This means your word choices in how you describe yourself, how you treat you, and how you love on you matters. Stop negative self talk. It doesn’t help when your mind says one thing and then you allow your mind and thoughts to align together. Trust me it can be devastating to talk yourself out of a blessing or into some mess. Don’t you have a world doing it enough?! Don’t add to it! You may not have it altogether but good ma’am and sir you are still bomb! You are worthy! You are what the world needs. Smile, adjust your crown, shift your outfit and walk head high.

You can’t be mad at others who talk to you raggedly if you too join in on the fun! You are here for a purpose and while you find and begin walking in it, strut your stuff!

Party of one don’t have to be so bad! They are relaxing when you think about it. Party of one means you can shine your way without having to do it like the next! Celebrate you!

Today in the midst of a bad day or a bad moment, smile because you been down before and you know you will overcome! You know you will make it and you know you got this!