Do you know what you want? Do you know what you need? When I was in my 20s lord have mercy I was all over the place and you know what? I was supposed to be. I was in college at the age of 18 grown by legality but a baby in life. I dated a man in college who later became my husband but before you start ohhhh and awwww on me-pump them breaks.
At 18 what in the extra world did I know about me? Let me help you with this one-nothing. I was just happy to be out my parents home. Growing up I was told that school would be my out and I took it. Finally out on my own no curfew, and nothing but fun in my horizon. I think freshman year I went to every single party there was. Being out and about I met many people or should I say I met many men. I didn’t sleep with them all but I had my share of fun. Dating was a whirlwind and it opened up a lot of doors and emotions that at 18 I wasn’t ready to handle. I’ve gotten my feelings and emotions caught up more than once. I’ve broken hearts. I’ve been left and I’ve left a few holding the strings.
After college and going into the supposed real world. I hadn’t learned what I wanted and who I was. I was just on an extension from college trying to enjoy life. Parties got exchanged with bars and night life. Back to that man I met in college, we dated most of college career, but I had so much growing up. We went our separate ways. I thought the constant fights meant he was really paying attention to me. I know I’m not the only one that fought with their man. You know them I hate you take my number out your phone fights. Then there was the sex yes I said sex I thought meant we was going to ride this out to the wheels fell off.
However I didn’t realize that I needed real love, unconditional love. I needed patience and I needed to know there was more than just dinners and goose bumps. I needed to know that I could be in a relationship and still remain me without having to change to fit his or any other mans blueprint. I needed to know that I could receive love and that meant more than what I had to offer in the bedroom. I needed to know that I could be free to be who I am and still be loved. If I wanted to travel somewhere and he didn’t approve I didn’t need permission or acceptance as I wasn’t a married woman. Sometimes you give boyfriends too much like you married-momma always said pump them brakes and enjoy life.
As I got older I got quirkier, yes can you imagine? I love little things like I celebrate all holidays, I love to bake, I love quiet times and I like my space. You say that’s all you learned? No I learned and know what makes me tick and I need physical attention like some women need shoes. So as I get older and now with kids, if my now husband slacks in the attention department I speak up cause I know I need that. I don’t feel guilty by saying I need a hug nor do I allow him or anyonelse to guilt trip me for that. I’ve learned to love the skin I’m in. I love me with all my quirkiness. I love me with all my flaws which is more than just a beyonce song.
If you are that 18-20 year old girl you are going to make many mistakes. Know this and accept this quick. Even after you hit 30 like my momma would you just start to scratch the surface on what you like or need. Whatever phase of womanhood you are in be patient and let you be the you that you need to be at that moment!
My needs and your needs will look different. That’s ok just figure it out and be ok with the journey to do so!