Ask Toi: My Husband Gave Me a Sexually Transmitted Disease

Good evening reader,

I apologize that I’m like 5 behind on my Ask Toi.  When I read yours I wanted to respond to yours first.

Let me start by saying I have no idea what this betrayal feels like.  I can’t begin to imagine what you felt like when the results of your exam were echoed in your ear.  Marriage is supposed to be the deepest level of love, giving, and respect that one is supposed to experience here on earth.

I also know that no matter how many times you go to the gynecologist it is one of the most awkward times a woman has to deal with.  Yes even with 3 children I still dread the annual visit.  This particular last time I was there and we did the exam she asked me if I wanted to  have all the tests completed or not since I was married.  I said to her, marriage means I wouldn’t have been exposed?  She said not to her but when she has suggested that women get offended by the full panel.

I said to her any time I come in I always want a full panel.  You never know and I always to know what is going on with my body.  I’m a married woman and if I got the results that you did I would be devastated.  I would be angry.  I would be sad.  I would be embarrassed.  I would be hurt.  I want to start off with your answer by saying whatever your responses and they will change-are normal.

I definitely do not judge you.  I honestly think whatever measures your doctor and you have discussed is what you should do to ensure you take prompt care of your health.  Please take this time to get your body and mind healthy.  You asked me what I would I do and I would have a very serious talk with my husband,  You aren’t going to be able to bypass this conversation,  I would be prepared for him to point the blame to you.  A STD doesn’t come with clear track on its origin so it opens up the blame game.  My hope is that honest dialogue would come from this.

After you address the elephant in the room, I would take some time to think of your next step.  On the surface it would be easy to say leave your husband.  If it was me I’m sure I would definitely have that high on my lists of ways of handling it.  I know some of my readers would agree.   The problem with matters of the heart is that our mind says one thing, our body says another and the heart usually has the final say.  Don’t be too quick to walk away even if in the end you do.  What I’m saying is you may leave him but do it or stay on your own terms.

You have nothing to prove to me or any other woman reading this.  I don’t have to tell you that a man who is careless with your life doesn’t love you like he claims.  Hopefully within medical regards this is curable, but what if it wasn’t?  What if your life is forever altered?  Isn’t it already?  Getting a STD single or married is a problem.  I do not lack empathy.  However marital vows were broken and that is an ultimate betrayal.  How can you build with someone after that?  Can you get past it I’m sure one can but women generally don’t forget.  I know you will always hold it over him even when you think or say you won’t.

IT would be wise to leave however that’s a personal decision.  ToiTime will be here to support you.  Whatever you do make sure you take care of you.  I do belief that you will guide you and that what you need is already inside of you and I wish you well.

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