Ask Toi: I just found out that all my life the man I thought was my dad isnt, what should I do?

Well I’m very sad to hear this.  Just because you are an adult doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

Your whole existence has now come into question.  I would sit honestly and attempt to process this.  Have you had a conversation with your mom first?  That’s where I would start to begin to get answers.  You deserve the truth.

As a woman I’m noticing that when you have things going on that affect your childhood you don’t become an adult and it just goes away.  Actually what happens is that you end up having to deal with issues more.

Talk with your mom and ask questions.  I wouldn’t come off as judging your mom although it will be hard to do.  I’m hoping you have an open relationship with your mom that this open conversation can take place.  Once you talk with your mom it will guide you to your next step.

Once you have gotten as many answers as you possibly can, I would continue to research and make some sense of what happened.  I would also suggest that you seek help from a counselor or pastor that can help you navigate through your feelings.  The worst thing you want to do is make light of how you feel.  You were lied to, betrayed, and even if your family wanted to protect you while you are younger there’s no excuse now that you are an adult.

Let me know how you make out and I wish you well in your journey of discovery.

Toitime a place for empowerment-hurry back!


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