Ask Toi: not all men are the same

So I got at least 4 questions about the same thing so I’m going to wrap your advice into one post.

Not all men are the same.  Hard to believe huh.  We complain as women just like they complain about us that we keep attracting a certain type.  Is that the man or woman’s fault?  Let me help you.  I hate to be the barrier of bad news but we attract who we are.  Gasp, clutch your pearls but yes.

I’ll use myself since I know me well.  When I was in high school I  dated a church boy.  Sounds so sweet huh?! Wrong.  I also started liking the street guy too and everyone was trying to save my soul.  Lord, we can’t lose her she gonna get pregnant and leave the church.  What they didn’t know was the street dude and the church boy had similar personalities. 

Now I am a preachers kid and there is a certain line you don’t cross.  However now that I’m older and all parties are married let me be the first to say those same men were a lot alike.  One just had a better cover.  I was a good reader then and a much better reader now.  The church mothers spent so much much time praising the church boy and downing the street boy and they were wrong.  That’s why my mom and dad always called a spade a spade.  Parents always know their kidss.  They saw straight through me and corrected me and not them boys.

The church boy and street boy both liked me and they had one thing in common-me.  How could two different people like little old me? Cause just like them I had the same personality.  I was able to blend just like the church boy and had my wild side like the street boy.

Now that I’m older and more mature what I really wanted was someone who was grounded, knew God, didn’t take no junk, was strong, liked to have fun and could blend who they were in church with the reality of outside of the church. 

If you find yourself attracted to the wrong type I would really take a moment to understand what you want.  Don’t be ashamed of who you like but be clear.  Stop giving all men bad reps just cause you don’t really know what you want.  When you figure you out trust that you be fine.

If you find you really are attracting the no good guy work on the no good part about you.  Yes you and not the dude.  I’m grateful for the lessons that both men and the men I dated following them taught me.  I learned about me which was the best lesson in love.  Not every breakup needs to be about bitterness.  Sometimes the lesson don’t have anything to do with the man but to make you a better woman.

I wish you well but please grasp this lesson quickly.  You have a type and most of the men are a lot of like only cause they are a lot like you.  That’s why you can’t keep blaming them.  It’s a heart issue.  Check your heart and what you like and learn to streamline the two. 

Please stop saying the all men are dogs, no they aren’t just the ones with dog qualities you pick.  Ever notice when you ready to settle down especially after you work on you that you start saying oh I would never have dated him.  I would never have thought in a million years he would be my type.  Cause he was what you needed.  Married women know that the one you marry has a lot of what you like but if they are good men they also draw on you to be better.  That sounds so sweet but part of the draw means that at times they are the ones who make you mad the quickest, etc. 

I stopped worrying about the package and started looking at the gift. 

Lets be better daters, better pickers, better us and figure what you really like. 

Happy dating!

Toitime a place for empowerment-hurry back!


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