It’s a snowy day where I am so if you are dealing with the same weather I wish you warmth and the best hot tea or hot chocolate you can find.
So if this is your first time readying today let me just say that today’s topic might catch you off guard cause the dose of real is going to be strong today. To my regulars, well let’s dive right in.
To my newly engaged, wanting to be married, or already married let’s debunk a myth today….he completes me. I don’t know where this phase started but we must end this and quick. Love is a beautiful thing no doubt but to suggest that a man or a woman completes you is just not true.
To complete something is to say that you aren’t whole. Words have life and death in them. We have to be careful of what we put out in the atmosphere. A man doesn’t come on the scene and all of a sudden is a missing part of you. I honestly think this is some conception we got from watching too many romantic comedies.
Set aside the wedding day and let’s talk about the marriage. What’s the average wedding cost these days? I’ll go with the about $30,000. That’s almost someone’s yearly salary. With all these reality television shows, the theme of go bigger or go home helps feed into all the prep of having these over glorified weddings. Now don’t get me wrong we as little girls have dreams of what a wedding day will look like, but we need to also put time into what our marriage looks like.
One thing that will come up when you get married if you haven’t dealt with it is any issues you haven’t dealt with in your childhood. Yes I’m guessing with ring shopping no one told you that part. If you have issues you have laid dormant they have a way of popping up in the course of your marriage. His being in your life will not fix that.
To my married ladies, how much time did you actually prepare for the marriage? Did you go to pre-marital counseling? Did it help? Did you have to go to counseling during the marriage? Did you have serious talks about how you would navigate during the marriage with all the major topics? These things are really important to do.
Do I think a man comes in your life and is everything you ever wanted. Yes that’s how it should be. Can he be like Kevin hart calls his fiance, a rib? Yes something that is a PART of you but not all of you. We have to debunk this myth cause some women get married and forget themselves trying to be a perfect wife and don’t create a balance. We have to debunk this myth so the minute this man leaves us or doesn’t behave the way we want them to we don’t lose it. Yes if you and your husband break up there’s an immediate sadness and a lot of emotions that comes along with separation but some women can’t navigate without their man.
I’ve heard so many times I just can’t live without him and to them it’s a real feeling. My mother told me real quick before I got married, love that man and be the best you can for him but keep in the back of your mind that you can be single at any time. She was quick to let me know that life happens and you need to know that. How many men die and the wife doesn’t know anything about how the finances were being handled, can’t write a check, doesn’t drive, can’t work, and is totally dependent. Ladies I’m not suggesting that you live single-minded in a marriage that goes against everything I believe in. What I am saying is that you got to be a whole women who is fine with a man, love that man, but also be able to be yourself with or without that man.
If you think I’m off let’s examine this a little further. How many women who complain all the time about losing themselves in a relationship? A whole lot. They will be the same ones who will say I just did everything to make the man happy. Making your husband happy should be along with also making yourself happy and finding that balance.
Ladies we all know what it’s like to let anything whether husband or not just take over. Lets change the he completes me to he compliments me or to just he makes me the happy. We can be whole women who find the love that makes us just love love.