Seek and You Shall Find

Ladies, have you ever checked your man’s Facebook, Instagram, or email?  What was the outcome? When you are in a hunt for something you usually find it.

I’ve heard both sides of the argument.  Yes you should trust your spouse and never have a need to search his or her stuff, but reality is that people aren’t as trusting as they would like.  On paper it’s easier to say you trust until your actions don’t line up. 

Men especially with the increase of social media  have complained about women checking into their stuff but it’s not just women who poke around too.  Insecurity and curiosity are the two culprits that spark the snoop. 

I’ve heard many couples who say that when they get married their spouses have the passcodes to their phone or don’t even bother to use it.  I like the idea as well but I’ve heard the other side that some spouses just want to be able to have private conversations without their mate being involved that have nothing to do with cheating.

I’m not going to lie and act as if I haven’t checked my spouse’s phone and I too in return had it done to me.  When it was done to me I wasn’t even mad that it happened as much as I was mad due to my spouse being adamant that it was wrong and then turned around and did it as well.  There wasn’t any cheating going on and I was okay with my spouse reading my truth since months before I had the same conversations and it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

The point is I’m not giving the go ahead on going through a phone or social media.  What I’m saying is that both spouses need to have an open relationship to not foster the room for doubt or  infidelity.  Both spouses need to increase communication.   Ladies ask questions and allow the man to speak in an environment where they can feel safe.  That means when they share their heart, don’t run back and tell your girlfriend.  He should be able to trust that pillow talk stays with you.  Men, be available and be all in for communication.  Don’t shrug your lady off in the “here we go again.” Be present and listen.

Social media is one of the biggest causes for divorce now and in court proceedings, screen shots are becoming evidence.  Don’t ever allow an ex boyfriend/girlfriend to be on your social media making inappropriate comments.  Having friends of the opposite sex should be okay as long as they aren’t crossing lines of respect that both partners have agreed upon.  Don’t air your dirty laundry on social media.  That’s a sure way to allow outsiders to have access to your relationship.

Ladies if you need to check your spouses phone, stop yourself and have a conversation.  Yes talk about it not in a hey I don’t trust you I need your phone way, but deal with the issue and not the instrument.  Respect the lines you and your spouse have made.  If you and your mate agree it’s not okay to be in each other’s stuff, respect it. 

For those who have checked their spouse’s accounts or phones and have found infidelity I know that can be devastating but I’m sure the signs were there before the snooping began.  If you don’t have evidence as so many people need, the best thing is to part ways if the behavior of the spouse after attempting to make it right doesn’t line up with your personal measure of respect.  Remember what you put up with isn’t the same with another.  Only you can determine when enough is enough. 

So let’s put the phones down and trust yourself. 

If you’re following me on facebook, let’s continue the conversation, do you feel it’s okay to snoop?

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