Moms Week: Single Mom

I’ve said this my times before, no one wakes up and decides to be a single mother.  Life happens and when it does adults have to make the best of the situation.  Unfortunately it’s the women who are left with children to raise.  Being a single mom isn’t a death sentence that society wants you to think. However it is hard and kudos to those who do it with grace. Kudos to those who do it and may not like the situation but don’t let their kids feel every pain and hurt because of it.

If you’re single mom you already know the struggle.  Unless you have a tight village than most if not all the things that need to happen for your child or children fall on you.  There is usually one income pulling into the home.  That alone causes enough stress. Kids cost. They need everything and that unfortunately for many single moms means they are over worked and under paid and making pennies out of no where.

Single moms aren’t the degenerate of the world, yet many look down on them all the time.  A single mom has many issues she’s dealing with.  Single moms are expected to play the role of both parents and that’s virtually impossible.  They make the best out of what they have.

If you’re a single mom you know the loneliness that is experienced. Holidays and birthdays when it should be shared with two parents are often not.  The loneliness of not having a whole complete family to help you navigate through this parenting journey is overwhelming to some.  For the most part no one wants to be alone no matter how hard their exterior is.

The first thing a single mom should know is that you don’t have to hold onto the anger that parenting alone can bring. Yes it’s hard there will be days that are worst than the other however you must not allow the situation to break you so far that you can’t be a good mom to your child. Your child will pick up on your anger and although there is a real anger your child will have on its own, don’t push your issues onto your child.

Be a solid foundation for your child. Above providing clothes, shelter, etc you are going to have to make sure that as a single mom your provide emotional development to keep your child grounded. It’s much harder to do and you may have to do some outsourcing but it can be done.  This may require you asking for help. You are not an island and no one expects you to be either. It’s not weak to ask for help.

Find happiness in yourself as well as your child. There are many children still paying for their single mom’s mistake because they look or remind the mom of your child’s father. Some moms take that out on the child because of the broken promises made. Your pain, your hurt needs to be addressed. Why? Children pull on our patience when that patience is tested and it will, you don’t want the normal stress to mix in with unchecked and deep rooted pain.

Realize that your child’s existence was ordained. No it wasn’t meant for you to be a single mom but now that you are accept the role that was given and be the best mom you can be. Challenges are ever arising but don’t let it stop you from showing yourself and your child that you can arise from it all and make great things happen. Turn the negative around even when you are walking alone to the bus stop with your child’s hand. Turn it around everytime your job is on the line because you had to take off for your sick child. These are real issues that you will face.

Even with tears in your eyes, while you attempt to make daily decisions know that you’re child will see your heart and will one day understand. As Mother’s Day comes around many single moms don’t have someone who gives them gifts and says good job. However everytime you think of the time when you couldn’t see a way out and one came to you, that’s your blessing.

I pray that if you’re a single mom and no ones gives you one flower or card, ToiTime understands. I was birthed to a single mom. She walked those lonely walks to the sitter’s house. She had those bills and had to make life decisions. She cried many days. She was angry at times, but she always let us know we were more than what we saw. She made sure she was the strength we needed even if we were all we had. She showed us that even if we didn’t have the best of things that we had to take care and not look like what we were in. Single moms I salute you, honor you, and in prayer with you. Happy Mother’s day to you all!!

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