So if you ever dated a man who is close to their mother you already know that it can be an awesome relationship. It also can be a relationship that can create issues among many girlfriends, fiancés, and wives. The extra twist is when you date or marry a man who is close to their mother and is an only child. So of course we already know how women feel about the way they view the relationships of mothers and sons however I wanted to know do men see and feel the same way about how women view it. Is a woman’s relationship or lack thereof with a mans mother a deal breaker?
Single Man Dating: a woman not dealing with my mother at all is a problem. I’m not asking for my lady to take my mom out on outings but she has to interact respectfully. These women expect us to just set our moms to the side and I think that’s crazy. I can make sure my mother is okay and still be in a relationship. My mom taught us to be individuals and she has her own life so for me women and my mom have gotten along at least as far as I know. I do know some of my friends who moms show up to their house unannounced to get on the wives’ nerves.
Divorced Man: it’s a deal breaker if the woman I’m with is being disrespectful to my mother. I would want her to treat her like she wants me to treat her mother. My mom is a hands off approach on my relationships. She supported my marriage when I was married and never made an open negative gesture during the divorce. My mom was actually still friends with my ex wife and makes it fun to be around for the sake of the kids. So for me if disrespect was being given to my mom I would definitely speak up. The issues that women have with mother and sons is that they want to be able to control a man like a child. That is wrong. A relationship should be about being respect. If we can get along and make it our own, than let it be. My mother has her place and my lady hers.
Separated Man: I’m currently separated from my wife first because of our issues. Secondly I can admit it had a lot to do with my issue of not separating the relationship between my wife and my mom. Often times we had plans and I would cancel them to take my mom to the store or whatever. I used to get mad when my wife said anything but it wasn’t until I spoke to one of my mentors about it that I can admit to being wrong. My mom is my world. I don’t feel the need to tell my mother that I’m not going to do for her. She has given me everything I have. I was raised by her and she made it clear that I should take care of her and she didn’t say it but it was implied. My mom has been disrespectful but I’ve stepped up and spoken against it but by the time I did it wasn’t enough. My wife told me when she left that she wasn’t going to be in the middle of me and my mom and that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and she’s right. I doubt if I will get my wife back at this point especially since she won’t deal with my mom’s ways. It was stressful trying to keep both of them happy. I know the women reading this is going to have something to say but reality is there is going to be someone out there to put up with how things are because my mom is my number one lady right now.
Married Man: my mom and my wife have a great relationship. However it wasn’t without issues in the beginning. My mom and my wife didn’t get along. It was the constant tell your mom this and that or tell your wife this and that. It was actually my father in law who had a conversation with me before I ended it. He told me that I needed to separate how each was treated and make time for both but that my wife should always be treated with respect and she didn’t feel respected by my lack of doing the right thing in our relationship. All the while I would just tune my wife out when she would complain about me not following through with plans as her just nagging. After that I would sat both of them down and let them know how we would make this work. I see my mom once a week and if my mom needs something that’s not life threatening and I had plans I would guide her in how to figure it out for herself. My mom is single and she’s always had us to rely on and it was an adjustment for her to get on board. She’s still struggling with it but I just try to be consistent and hope it will get better for her.
Sons and their mothers are such a sensitive topic. I personally have dealt with mothers on just about all spectrums. I think if you’re a wife or fiancé etc I definitely believe that boundaries should be established with your man not the mother. You can show respect to his mom without going through all the extra issues. However even based upon my own experience sometimes stepping back is what works. Separate the relationship between him and his mom from you and your man. Show love towards your man’s mother. It isn’t ideal that mother and daughter in laws get along but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.