Ask Toi: How do I decline my fiancé’s proposal?

Well this is such an unfortunate situation.  I’m sorry you’re having to make this decision.  Let me say it takes a lot to come to this conclusion.  Some women wait a lifetime for a man to ask them to marry them.  So if you’re having second thoughts it’s best to know that now than be a runaway bride.

Sit down and quiet yourself.  If that means getting away from your fiancé, family and friends please take a moment to do so.  You need some quiet time to sort your feelings without their influence.  Think about why you feel the way you do.  Something is causing you to rethink not just the engagement but the marriage. 

Engagements themselves bring on a wealth of emotions and it’s very easy to feel bombarded.  This is a very huge decision one that you don’t want to take lightly.  Think to the day he proposed what made you say yes?  Focus on that moment to this moment that makes you say you’re not ready.  Was it that you realize that it’s more than the ring? 

I’ve always said it’s not about the wedding day but the marriage.  If anything in you says no or don’t proceed, listen to that voice.  It’s better to be clear now than in a courtroom.  Now cold feet is to be expected that’s why I say you have to sit down and really sort your feelings because only you know what you are about to walk into by marrying this man.

You will have people telling you what to do on both sides but no one but you and him will have to live with your decisions. If you find that the engagement needs to be broken off, tell your fiancé first before telling anyone else.  He deserves to know and why.  Also be prepared to give the ring back.  Engagement rings are meant as a token of marriage so let him have it back.

Know that he will be hurt if you decide to end the engagement and ending it may mean ending the relationship.  A man will see ending the engagement as a rejection of him so don’t have expectations of being on friendly terms.  Give him some time to receive what you’re saying.  Don’t call him to see if he’s okay he will need time.  The sheer embarrassment of presenting a woman with a ring to have it rejected later isn’t an easy pill to swallow.

I pray that you take this seriously.  The fact that you reached out says there are red flags that you need to visit. 

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