That’s my Best Friend

So you know you have a best friend when you can totally be transparent with them.  You can let your guard down, trust them completely, and know them like you know yourself.  What happens when your best friend is of the opposite sex and you’re in a relationship or even worse you cross the line?

You are now in a rut, a pickle, a jam, whatever you call it, it’s not good.  Best friends of the opposite sex always comes with potential issues that same sex relationships don’t always have.  There’s always someone on the outside questioning the validity of the relationship.  That same someone even will ask you if you ever thought about crossing the line. 

People aren’t sure where to place relationships of the opposite sex because we are groomed to believe they can’t exist and will always be filled with sexual tension.  The debate on whether men and women can be friends only has been going on for years. 

I’ve had friends who had best friends who were men who from my knowledge had not crossed the line but they have given it thought.  Think about it having a man around is always a great thing.  In college I had my good girlfriend who was a guy.  He isn’t or wasn’t gay in the least bit.  There’s nothing wrong with a gay guy friend let’s be clear but he wasn’t.  We did everything together.  If you saw him then you saw me.  We would check people if they were potentials for each other.  It never stopped potential men from approaching me or women from approaching him.  It was clear that he and I were friends. 

Now unfortunately he doesn’t live in the same state.  Insert sad face.  People have questioned our relationship because we had to be more.  We traveled, partied, did classwork, and crashed at each other’s spots.  He definitely helped me through a break up or two.  All of this without ever trying to cross the line.  Some of my other friends with male best friends did cross the line.  It created such an awkwardness after.  They couldn’t just sit in the same room and conversations became weird.  Eventually the relationship is forever changed.  I never wanted that with my good guy friend and honestly he wasn’t the type that I would be tempted either.  He was and is simply a great guy who I enjoyed his company and he always respected me and I him. 

For my husband my guy friend was never a thought. He went to the same college and he never got the impression that it was more between us.  I never got the talk about ending my relationship with him.  A couple of months ago he came in town and I got dressed and hung out with him with no issue.  If you have a friend that is a guy definitely make sure your man meets him.  Honestly if you are best friends it would be virtually impossible to not have the two meet. 

Now to the women who claim that’s my cousin, brother, or friend to hide with the men they have had a sexual relationship with, just stop.  Please stop lying to yourself thinking that you can be friends and nothing is going to happen.  If he’s been in your bed and you have had sex and he’s still around, he’s there waiting to do a repeat.  Don’t fool yourself.

A man that has already been intimate with you didn’t just wipe that image of you out of their head.  This is when men don’t believe women that they have just a friend because they are men and men want sex.  Ladies call a spade, a spade.  Unless you are pursuing a relationship with that fake bestie of yours then cut him off.  Don’t disrespect your relationship with that he’s my cousin line.  Don’t try to be slick, that man ain’t the least bit related to you. 

Best friends of the opposite sex can happen but it has to be about mutual respect.  You have to be clear that you are mature and capable of handing it. Some best friends of the opposite sex I know have married each other too. Those are rare situations.  When the two went there it was all or nothing.  Don’t take that leap without counting up the cost, they don’t always end up like Brown Sugar the movie. 

Not everyone can handle a best friend that is male.  However if you do have one the relationship can be such a great asset.  I’ve learned a lot from about men from my good guy friend because I wasn’t romantically linked to him.  Since we as women are always being hit on its nice to have a guy around that isn’t trying to get in your pants.  Thank you M.S. for over 15 years of friendship.



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