Ask Toi: What do I do with wedding items after my fiancé called off the wedding?

My heart goes out to you.  To have the wedding plans in place, decorations ordered and guests arriving and just like that it’s over is a lot. 

On the surface graciously thank all the guests for coming and let them decide what they want to do.  Since you’re beyond that point, here is my advice:

Take some time for yourself.  Don’t answer questions you don’t want to.  I’m sure you have a lot of questions yourself that you haven’t gotten and may never get.  In one aspect, it may turn out in the future to be the best thing that could have happened.  You won’t know that for quite some time. 

Cry.  Don’t bottle those emotions up inside.  You had planned a lifetime with a person beyond just an engagement but to the point of walking down the aisle.  It would be crazy for anyone to think you wouldn’t be in pain and rage right now.

Don’t worry about the stuff from the wedding right now.  You will go up and down in what you want to do as you heal.  One day you may want to burn it, give it away, or sell it.  You don’t have to have the answers right now.  Your goal is to focus on you.

I don’t know if your fiancé gave you a reason why he waited to the last point of embarrassment to tell you he didn’t want to marry you.  He may have wanted to and couldn’t find the words.  Nonetheless you are angry.  You are hurt.  You are devastated but you will get through it. 

It looks horrible and the other details you told me that I won’t reveal but I know you will heal.  It will take time.  Find one friend you can confide in. Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself.  Take each step slowly.  I know of women who go on vacation and rest their mind.  It may not be a bad idea.  Just don’t tie your self worth to his decision.  You’re not unlovable, not good enough and not worthy of being loved and if these thoughts haven’t come to mind they will.

Make sure you set the tone for how others handle you.  If someone is being too pushy and just want to hear the details over and over again tell them you’re not ready.  If you don’t want to talk to your fiancé you’re in your right not to.  Cut off communication for as long as you need.  Don’t let anyone push your emotions around anymore than will naturally happen on its own.

I wish you well.  I’m an email away and can offer any advice you many need. 

Eventually if you get answer that you need and that is my hope as it may provide closure is that you take away from it what you need and nothing that is about him. You don’t have to carry his issues along with this setback with it.


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