Ask Toi: How Do I Handle a Family Member’s Gay or Lesbian Lifestyle?

Well one you don’t handle their life.  Regardless of where you fit on the argument, right or wrong isn’t the issue.  We sometimes get so caught up in trying to prove points and make stands they we forget about the person.

If they are in your family I’m sure it’s apparent where they stand or where you stand on the issue.  No need to debate them on what they choose to do.  My question is to people who feel like they have to do that is simple, do you do that on ALL issues or just the ones that seem to fit your mood, taste, or political agenda?  If the answer is no then say hello and give a hug when you see folks and move on.  We as a people make certain “sins” higher than another one.

I come from a highly Christian background and for years I was taught how right or wrong it was.  However I’m not here to debate it’s issue right or wrongness with someone who grew up with me and knows how my family thinks or acts.  This is where some in my family or even my friends won’t be able to love someone who is different and it’s unfortunate.  I don’t have to like someone else’s lifestyle to sit across the table with them. 

If you seriously want to end a family relationship or a friendship because of what someone is doing or who they choose to love you could be missing out on a lot.  Families are where we learn to first love and if the member of your family can’t get that from you, then maybe it’s not them that has an issue it could be you.

Again I know it will ruffle feathers with my response but what someone else eats don’t make you fat.  Let people live their lives because none of us is able to really judge.  I know some reading this will say that they can’t just look at the family member the same but reality is there’s nothing that shaming a person is going to do to change them.  When you do that and try to treat them different than go back and want to deal with them they actually just harden their hearts against you. 

I pray you become a listening ear and try maintain the same level of laughs, hugs and tears you have always had with your family member because that’s what they need now more than anything.

I hope this helps and good luck!


2 thoughts on “Ask Toi: How Do I Handle a Family Member’s Gay or Lesbian Lifestyle?

  1. My question is: you loved them before you knew about their lifestyle right? So why would that love change now that you know. I have an aunt who is a,lesbian. That doesn’t bother or effect me. I just see my Aunt. I’ve stayed with her many times as a kid. I was never withheld from being around her. Our family doesn’t shun her. We accept & love her.

    There is nothing for you to handle. Keep the same relationship with the person that you’ve always had. You don’t have to agree with a,persons lifestyle to love them. However, if it bothers u to the point where u refuse to be around them & won’t speak to them, then you need to check yourself & what’s going on inside of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. An incredible response (as always). I think that many people have a lot to learn from what you have to say. ” there’s nothing that shaming a person is going to do to change them” should be the thing that all people of all faiths think when they jump to judge someone for who they love.

    Well done.


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