Ask Toi: How do you respectfully get people to mind their business?

For my readers let me also give you some more information:

The writer of this question states that they usually come off rude when they take the assertive route.

I guess the real question is how not to come off rude when being assertive, I’ll answer both.

Some people are just nosey.  It doesn’t matter if what’s going on in your life has anything to do with them or not.  Some people just want to be in the know.  Your level of assertiveness depends on the relationship you have with the individual in question.  For instance if you felt your mom or dad was being too pushy there would a way to say hey I know you mean well but I’ll handle it that could save your teeth.  However if you were talking to someone who was an associate, you could handle them differently.

I always say use tact.  Try to give whomever you are talking to the benefit of the doubt.  After you have used tact then I usually escalate the situation from there. If who you are dealing with is family they will think that blood relation gives them the green light to intrude and often times it doesn’t.  Family have to know boundaries and the only way is for you to establish them.  People generally take cues from you. 

If you generally are the type like me that seems to be brutally honest from the gate, remember you can be assertive without being nasty.  When you find yourself being nasty it’s because of your anger that’s inside of you towards the other person.  Something else has taken place before that you didn’t check. You don’t have to unload all of your issues on others.  Be assertive and separate issues.  Deal with what’s in front of you.

If you’re dealing with a repeat offender, that person who doesn’t get the hint no matter what you say or do, then you may have to eliminate communication for a season.  Some people only know what you mean but by your actions.  So speak up but let your actions line up and don’t waiver. 

Try and I say try not to allow the other person’s character flaw make you change who you are.  Often times with a nosey person they are that way because something about them isn’t right.  Think about it they have time to worry about you but something on their end hasn’t been handled.  Know that people like to deflect.  So don’t let them bring you into them. 

I wish you well.  Use tact with your assertiveness and you should be fine.


One thought on “Ask Toi: How do you respectfully get people to mind their business?

  1. In my experience the first step is not to tell people your personal business. Other then the close people u can confide in, no one else needs to know your business. Regardless of the relationship, no one, not even your parents are entitled to know your business.

    Secondly, I’ve also learned that every comment or question doesn’t require a response. Many times people have commented and/or asked something & I ignored it. Yup, I didn’t answer. Responding isn’t a,requirement nor are u breaking the law of you don’t respond.

    And yes as Toi said, you have to be tactful on telling people you appreciate their concern but its none of their business. Making that statement isn’t rude or disrespectful. Now I do believe in some cases & on my personal experience some people don’t let up until u are very direct & blunt. Some people, only get it when you take the direct & blunt route. I’m not saying start there, but in some cases u may have to. You know who you are dealing with so adjust your tactic accordingly.


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