Ask Toi: My friend and I got into a disagreement weeks ago and now she’s had a death in her family…

You can reach out to her because of the death of her loved one.   You also asked do you have to forgive her now that this is going on.  My answer is yes…

You should forgive her for you.  People excuse forgiveness as an entry way back into your life and that’s not true.   You can forgive and move on and place appropriate boundaries that serve you. Your friend is going through.  You can acknowledge it and then go on.  Right now whatever happened may not even be on her mind. 

Death has a way of making people want to make it right and I’m in total agreement with that within reason.  Although everyday above ground is an opportunity to do better, that doesn’t mean you just allow everything around. If you and your friend had a petty argument then okay.  However people offend others in great ways and the minute you decide to remove their access to you then you’re wrong.

Forgiveness is the first step towards peace over and about your friend.  Try them and see if he or she is worthy of being in your circle if that’s what you want.   Send your friend a condolence card to acknowledge her pain and leave it alone.  Time will tell you how to proceed.  Howewer death in the family will not erase what took place.  Only  changed behavior will and in due time you will know. 

Good luck


2 thoughts on “Ask Toi: My friend and I got into a disagreement weeks ago and now she’s had a death in her family…

  1. Deja vu? Sounds all to familiar. Yes, reach out to her, burry the hatchet. GFriendships are a lot like marriages. You will go through different seasons but if you are committed to the friendship it will work out. Sometimes u need your space & that’s ok. If this is a pressing issue give it some time before you bring it up. You both need clear heads in order for there to be a mature conversation about it. Again, yes reach out. At this moment she isn’t concerned with the disagreement you had.


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