Ask Toi: How do you deal with a breakup?

If you watched enough chick flicks you know as a woman you’re supposed to be with your girlfriends pigging out on snacks and talking about how that man is a jerk for breaking up.  However although we do that at times,  break ups take time.

How long depends on the individual.  I could tell you all the cliche statements about how whoever you broke up with doesn’t deserve you but that’s not important.  Those statements alone doesn’t cure a heavy heart.   Whatever emotions you are feeling are very valid.  It’s all in how you handle it.   If you’re still not able to get over it and it’s been some time here are my suggestions on how to deal:

1. What is the lesson to learn?

You have to know that there’sa lesson learned.  What is YOUR lesson.  Everyone isn’t meant to be in our lives forever.  Some are only there for a season.  Find your lesson and have peace.

2. Have you refocused yourself?

Break ups usually attempt to knock us down.  Did you lose yourself in the relationship?  If so figure out what you want to do and do it.

3. Are you stuck in the home?

Thinking you need time to yourself is valid.  Not wanting to do anything because you lost the love of your life isn’t.   Reconnect with others.  Get out and go work out.  Go out to eat or movies with friends.  Change of venue definitely helps.

4. Get a new hobby

Yes you found yourself spending so much time that now you’re bored with nothing to do.   Take a class,  learn a new skill, but get out.   Yes no better time to get out there and do some self development.  Get on Groupon etc. and find something you want to do and save money at the same time.

Break ups are hard.   If you find you’re still not doing well then see a counselor or even a trusted friend.  These are times when simply talking may add a little comfort.  Although it doesn’t feel like it, you will bounce back.   Be gentle with yourself and take care of you.  

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