The Attachment Game..What he said!!

It’s boo loving time.  This is what the young folks call cuffing season.  You know the term where you find that little cold or winter playmate and try to make him or her official. Well when you’re really grown you move past cuffing season into some real reality of taking dating to another level. 

Today’s blog comes from myself and Demetrius Figueroa the author, creator and writer of Tao of Difference.  I found this blogger one random day a few months ago.  As you know my blogs are written on WordPress so finding Demetrius wasn’t hard.  However with me I find that with writing I’m interested in if it catches me to want to read more. I can’t say that with all authors. Demetrius is one of the most captivating bloggers I’ve read in a while. 

Find him on Twitter at @Indifferent_D, on Facebook at and on the web at You can subscribe to the Tao of Indifference podcast on iTunes and Stitcher.

So today we attack the attachment game.

Demetrius writes:

With the colder weather rapidly approaching, I’m sure some of you fellas are out there are trying to figure out if the lady you’re seeing right now might be relationship material. As with most things in dating, you have to decide for yourself whether or not she’s Mrs. Right or Miss Right-Now, but I can help you figure out if it’s time to take your relationship to the next level. The thing to keep in mind is that romantic relationships require 3 things: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. If you’re looking to build a relationship, you need to make sure you have each of these.

Keep in mind that passion alone is not stable grounds for a relationship. If you’re dating someone who you can only think of in terms of their attractiveness or sex appeal, they might not be relationship material for you. You also want to avoid building a relationship on the sense that you should be committed to them. Maybe you’ve been dating for a long time and you’re thinking “might as well take the next step”. Trust me on this, that’s not the move you want to make. Sure, you need the sense of commitment to build a committed relationship, but a commitment without passion or intimacy is just a friendship. Lastly, you need the intimacy. That doesn’t just mean getting intimate with them, you also need to be able to share intimate details about yourself with that person. A certain level of trust, a feeling of closeness, developing a bond with them, that sort of thing. If you can honestly say that you feel a certain level of intimacy, passion, and the feeling that you want to commit to this person, you might be ready to take your relationship to the next level.


If you’re wondering how to be sure you’ve got all those feelings toward someone, you should ask yourself these questions:

Do you think of them in a context outside of sex?
It’s great to feel an attraction to someone, but if you can only think of them in terms of sex, that’s not a good sign. 

Are they one of your closest friends?
No one can replace your best friend, your family, the people you grew up with, or  can replace your best friend, your family, the people you grew up with, or any of those close bonds you had before you met her, but is she in that conversation? Does she know a little bit more about you than a stranger? If she doesn’t yet, would you want to share the details of your life with her as your relationship progresses? If you can say yes to that, you’re in a very good place.

Do you want to be in a committed relationship with her?

A really simple question you have to answer. Do you want to be in a committed relationship with her? A “Yes” is obviously ideal, a “Maybe” is not ideal but hey you can’t be 100% sure about everything in life, a “No” is a no and you should let her go.

The timing of all of these things isn’t the same for everyone. Some people know a few dates in, some people know a few months in. It’s all about where you feel your level of passion, intimacy, and willingness to commit are and whether or not you’re ready to take a leap of faith. It’s okay if your answers to each of those questions are a Maybe, because relationships are a risk. That’s why I always wish people luck in dating because you’re taking a chance. You just need to decide if it’s a risk worth taking.

Good Luck Out There. 

Now keep in mind this is from the male’s perspective on taking things to the next level.  Ladies I’ll be back with mine. There’s a lot of things women don’t keep in mind when it’s time to take things to the next level.  Demetrius had questions for the men and ladies I got questions for you as well. 


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