Married, single and unhappy

I read an article about this just last night and was in awe.  I gave thought to how many people want to be married and are searching for their other half just to have people who are married operating as if they aren’t.  I’ve had this question before from multiple sources many times and this is a real thing.

Some people get married for various reasons.  The issue isn’t in getting married and having a ceremony big or small, it’s in staying married that is the issue.  I’ve said this a million times that marriage will take you through phases as a couple as well as an individual.  It’s not for everyone. That’s why it’s easy to get in and hard to get out. 

Let’s dissect the message we as married people send when we put out how unhappy we are.  We say it’s okay to not have to work in your marriage.  Marriage is literally hard work in that you have to he mindful of another person above yourself. If you’re truly not able or even at best desire to do so, just continue to walk this earth with companionship without a marital commitment.  That doesn’t mean that when you vent you’re ready to quit either.  I believe that if all you have to say in your arena of friends and family equals unhappiness then it’s most likely not your mate it’s you.

Unhappy people who get married can strain a marriage before it can even begin. There’s nothing worst than marrying the one whom your heart desires only to find they just aren’t ever satisfied.  This to me is ONLY when you have spoken your mate’s love language. If you are given what you think your mate needs and not what they need or want then either it’s the wrong one or you’re not doing what you need to do.

Married people who operate like they’re single are the worst married couples there it is. Why did you allow yourself to be connected to another just to devalue yourself and them.  That’s why for me personally open marriages are a waste.  I mean you want to be able to step out of your marriage when that person upsets you, you want new sex, or to spice up your boring marriage?  You’re going to be upset many days of your life so that can’t be it.  You can’t replace people.  New sex? Yes it’s nice when you’re single.

Now men are the ones who desire the new sex partner within a marriage.  Not to say women don’t step out because they do.  It’s a male thing in my opinion for men to look for something sexually satisfying.  The issue I have with this is simple, if it’s okay for you then let it be okay for your wife too.  Oh wait that’s right she should play good girl and you will be right back right?  These are all games that people who claim they want to be married shouldn’t even play.

You want to spice up your marriage so you bring someone into your marital bed and this will fix it right? So men what happens when you notice that another woman or man is able to do what you can’t?  Oh let me guess your already raggedy ego will be able to handle it?  Same question for my ladies?  You good with it? So after its all said and done you are just going to be okay with this sexual experience and bam just like that you are okay?  My guess is most likely not.  You will still be missing the mark.  So why not fix it between you and your lifetime partner?  Oh wait that’s too much like doing right?

Listen marriage can fizzle out if one or both partners allow it.  Don’t ever blame your partner for the bad marriage unless things like cheating, abuse, etc played a big part in the demise.  Have you ever treated your partner like the one you think in your mind you want?  Wait, what?  Be the change you want to be.  Yes even after years of trying it could be time to hang up the towel, but try and exhaust all means.

Why did the couples who have been married for 20 or more years last?  Most actually like their mate and not just the obligatory I have to love him/her.  They were willing to make it work past how a small spat made them feel.  Some did it because they had kids which I don’t recommend anyone to do. Kids can see  two unhappy people trying to hold on through the fake smiles.  Those couples who stayed  married like my parents and grandparents understood loyalty way more than just a Chris Brown song will ever reveal. 

If you’re married take a moment in this world of driven divorces to make a commitment to say you will all over again.  It’s no wonder we raising a generation of individuals that dont know how to fight for what matters. They rather Netflix and chill or be in a situationship.  We high five everytime we double dutch ourselves in and out of our marriage.

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