Welcome to another collaboration with Demetrius of Tao of Indifference. Remember you catch him at http://www.taoofindifference.wordpress.com for more of his blogs. He talks everything relationship so follow him for more on Facebook and twitter.
So how do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? Let Demetrius inform the men as always ladies we are up next.
No one seeks out breakups when they start dating, but for most people, they are an eventuality. Unless you’re lucky enough to meet the love of your life, you’re bound to go through a breakup or two. What’s hard is knowing when it’s time to end a relationship. There are some cases where it’s an incredibly easy thing to figure out. Betrayals, infidelity, stealing from you, things like that are easy ways to tell if you should end a relationship, but what about the more subtle reasons? Maybe you’ve realized you might be incompatible, or you’re going in different directions in life. The sort of things where there isn’t a clear black or white answer. Knowing when it’s time to move on differs from person to person, and from circumstance to circumstance, but there are some ways to tell that are universal.
If all the attraction is gone, that’s never a good sign. As we get older and we grow, our type of attraction to our partner changes. The person you started dating at 21 years old may look a little different at 31 years old, but what you’re attracted to changes as you get older. Your attraction will probably change from superficial to a deeper attraction.The longer you’re with someone, the more you grow attracted to them as a person, not just how they look on the outside. If you’ve gotten to the point where nothing about them is attractive to you, whether it’s their looks, their attitude, or even who they’ve become, it might be time to consider moving on.
Of course, it isn’t all about attraction. What also matters is your closeness to your partner. People change and grow in relationships, and that’s fine, but if they’re growing in a direction where they no longer feel close to their partner that’s not a good sign. It might start with something as small as not sharing the details of your day-to-day and then escalate to the point where you’re not sharing your feelings with your partner. If the person you loved and considered one of your best friends is feeling more and more like a stranger, a breakup might be in your future.
Finally, you have to really give some thought into whether or not you’re staying with someone out of a sense of obligation. If I asked you today why you’re with her and your answer is “We have history” or any other variation on that idea, that’s the wrong answer. If you’re at the point where all that’s keeping you together is history, consider your relationship history and think about ending things.
Now, how do you go about ending things? First things first, you need to understand why you want to end it. Now keep that answer in mind when I ask you this: Can this problem be fixed? If it’s as simple as “She just needs to ask me how my day is”, I would encourage you to tell your partner what she can do to fix things. If it goes deeper than that, and it’s something that truly can’t be fixed, it’s time to end things.
With that in mind, you need to talk to her about your issues, let her know that you’ve thought about it and don’t think there is any way to fix it, and try to end things as amicably as possible. That means that you need to end things in person, not via a text or phone call, and it needs to be a dialogue, to a certain point. You will need to explain yourself, so be prepared to answer questions about why you want to end things. Answer her questions if she has any and be open and honest. The love might be long gone, but try to remember that you cared for her at some point. Try to remove your own anger, if you hold any, from this discussion. If you make it an argument you’re telling her that this is something that can be resolved with enough work. If you make it calm, rational discussion, that shows her that you’ve made up your mind and can’t be swayed.
If you’re having doubts if it’s the right move, reconsider ending things. If you don’t have a doubt in your mind that it’s time to end things, it’s time to end your relationship. Make sure that you end things in person, and make it a discussion, not an argument. Be open, be honest, but don’t make it an attack. It won’t be easy to do, but if the attraction is gone, the closeness isn’t there, and if you’re only staying together out of a sense of obligation, it’s time to move on.
Good Luck Out There.