Ask Toi: Is it ever okay to confront a friend’s spouse about the treatment of a friend?

Short answer is no.  I have friends now and in the past who have been in shaky relationships.  I too have been in less than stellar relationships or have had a mate or man be disrespectful.  The issue is that although you want to be that friend who will go the distance, it’s not wise getting in the middle.

The reason is that most times couples fight and make up.  That’s why you can’t share your issues with everyone.  Everyone isn’t always as forgiving as the person in the middle of the drama.  So as a friend when you get involved you sometimes end up looking like the negative one.  It’s a sad truth. 

The best way to be there for a friend is to support your friend on the sideline.  Now if your friend is being abused, encourage your friend to get help and offers ways to support.  There’s no way in the world to ever walk up to your friend’s mate and speak to them regarding how they are treating your friend.  Now if your friends mate brings up something you can speak but I would be careful not to bring up things that were disclosed. It’s a hard thing to do but it can be done. 

Let me give you an example.  I had a friend whose husband treated her like a doormat.  So when we were all together we were talking about what are good suggestions to treat your mate well.  I was able to give suggestions without coming off as telling him how he should be with her.  There are always 3 sides of every story so no need to go off without the full story.

It’s always a good thing to take the high road because 90% of the time couples fight and then get back on track. So when you go off you look like the jealous friend and its not necessary.  And trust me I’ve been there and it will happen.  Be clear on remaining neutral in your actions even when your emotions aren’t  as neutral towards your friends.  I’m a good friend in that I’m the one you can call with the shovel and the duffle bag but I will not or would not get in a spouse’s face.  Tact is key and you definitely gain more ground when you play your roll which is supporting friend on the sideline.

Good luck and stay put!!


One thought on “Ask Toi: Is it ever okay to confront a friend’s spouse about the treatment of a friend?

  1. Stay out of married people’s business. Of the friend confides in you, be a listening ear. Its never your place to confront someone’s spouse, spouses are off limit. If you have issues with their spouse and don’t want to be around them, be honest with your friend but kee certain opinions to yourself. As stated, the couple is likely to stay together anyway so your confronting the spouse would be to no avail. If you are a real friend, you can be supportive & nog agree at the same time. I look at it this way, my friends choose their spouses & have to live with them, I don’t. So if my friend accepts it, who am I to say anything about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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