Ask Toi: I’ve decided to get an online profile and I’m married…

Um, so I had to re-read this.  I’m not quite sure why you would want to do get an online profile for dating if you are currently married.  Now for my readers the person in question is legally separated.  However I have to say that until you are divorced I would put a stop on dating for right now. 

I can only imagine the loneliness you are feeling. I know that being in a middle of a divorce is hard. However I would just hold off on opening other doors while you’re still in the legal aspect of your divorce.  Regardless of why you’re divorcing, I wouldn’t necessarily add more fuel to the fire. Try to handle it by taking the high road.

The one thing you should be focusing on right now are things like getting good supportive people around you. You need people who will allow you to speak honestly that won’t judge you.  You need people who can say hey don’t do that or take it there when you need it.  Trust me when I say you will have moments when being politically correct regarding your mate is necessary and times when you have to say your truth.  Another thing you may need to do is find a divorce support group. Some can be found at your church or even within your community.  Support is key to getting you through those sleepless nights.

I would make a list of some things you want to accomplish.  It’s important to get back to you.  Find some new passions.  Nothing is worst to be in the middle of a divorce and not have that spark for life.  Divorce can take a lot of you.  You need to fill your “me” pot.  Take some new hobbies.  It’s important not to have too much idle time but not overfill either.  It’s a delicate balance.  But you can do it.  However you don’t need to add others in the mix right now.  You are figuring out who you are without your spouse name, or doing things without your spouse, and most importantly learning to be single again.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time.  Also with the holidays around you will remember all the things you and your spouse once did, make new memories.  Find ways to make the holidays what you want. If you don’t want a lot of extras then don’t.  However don’t be in the home miserable.  It’s easier said than done but be very intentional about making strides into getting yourself together.

Good luck!!

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