Ask Toi: Is it okay for my husband to text co-workers about non work stuff?

Yes and no.  Your husband should be able to text his co-workers without an issue as long as he’s being respectful.  No he shouldn’t if he’s giving out personal information regarding you and your marriage, your personal information or crossing the line of flirting inappropriate messages.

It’s no different if he is texting co-workers or other women friends.  Let’s keep it real you aren’t worried about male co-workers.  There should be a line of respect that your husband has for you period.  Let’s get real too men love to feel like they still got it.  So if he’s texting and its flirting and there’s things being said he would mind being said in front of you then he should stop.  The issue is that you can’t control his actions you can only speak up once you see the disrespect.

My husband has friends from his job in that he doesn’t necessarily hang out with outside of an occasional drink after work, and it’s okay as long as no disrespect is going down.  My husband’s job now and in the past has been surrounded by women.  My stance is clear none of them should have knowledge of any of my personal issues, any marital spats, and nothing regarding our bedroom.  As these  female relationships that  he has are only about 2-3 years tops that have been formulated.  To me that’s not enough time to divulge my personal information.   What I mean is since some men have long time female friends, a co-worker isnt getting the same pass as one of them. 

Now I get some men like to bounce off ideas to work friends but I say bounce things off that deal with you.   No woman should know my inner workings and I would find that to be an issue.  My husband has many friends he’s had since high school.  I’m aware of them, I would feel more comfortable with him talking to one of them or one of his close male friends before a co-worker.

My husband also has co-workers from previous jobs that he talks to as well.  They usually do a check in and see how things are going it’s a pretty general conversation and then he moves on.  There’s only been one time where he got out of line with a co-worker female obviously and I spoke up about her.  She was crossing lines in my opinion and he wasn’t helping by telling her intimate issues that should have stayed between us. 

I’ll tell you what my mom taught me.  You should always speak up when something isn’t right.  You should also know that you can’t drive yourself crazy trying to monitor your husband’s every move.  End of day if they are going to do something wrong he will.  Before my readers bite my head off please understand that isn’t giving your husband a pass at all.  You have to speak up and then let the chips fall where they may. Don’t play detective trying to catch your man in something.   If you go looking you will find it.  Just attempt to do what you are supposed to do. 

In marriage you can’t make the other person behave in certain manners.  You can however have in place things you will not tolerate. I can say from experience of handling things wrong is don’t harp on your man like a child.  Basically make your case and stand by it. 

Men and women have relationships for many reasons.  As a married man he should always carry himself in a manner that honors himself and the union you and him have.  Also know that single women which is usually the issue don’t all want your husband.  If you’re coming from an insecure or jealous place always check you first.  Sometimes we think things are more than they are.

My tips to approaching your husband:

Remain calm: let him know what exactly happened and what was said or done that made you feel disrespected

Give him a chance to explain it!  Don’t over talk him.  We as women like to come in and shut things down with our attitudes. 

If you can’t come to an understanding than let it sit. Yes this will be hard but try not to beat each others with words.

Give respect.  It’s easy to act disrespectful when you feel you are being disrespected.  Your husband has his marriage, his personal life and family time and he needs to know how to balance it all just as much as you.  Don’t assume that he sees it from your perspective.  Now if you are seeing full blown sexting, well that’s another issue but it still can be handled correctly.

Goodluck!

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