Ask Toi: Advice from Males, is That a Bad Thing?

Let me give my readers a backdrop before I answer this one.  This is a married woman who has single male friends who she often gets advice from when her and her husband are having issues.  My answer is no.  I know that I have really close male friends well really I have one that has been my friend for sometime and I rarely ask him advice on my husband.  I value my single friend perspective but I don’t allow the two relationships to merge out of respect for my husband.

Here are my reasons for why you should refrain from asking your male friends for advice.  I think that one they aren’t in the same place as your husband and that definitely counts.  You can ask general questions but once you start giving up intimate details on your marriage to a single man I think it has the potential to go places it doesn’t need to go.  Now for my readers who disagree with me, humor me for a minute.  Just because a man or woman is single doesn’t mean they can’t see things from a fresh perspective.  They can, however it will only come from a one sided place. You have to watch in general who you speak to your marital issues to anyway.  It’s natural to want to outsource especially if you feel that you have tried to communicate to your mate.

Does your male friend speak positively about your marriage?  If he doesn’t be careful some men (and women) sit on the sidelines pretending to be there but are waiting for their chance.  Does your friend help you to be a better wife?  To me this is key.  If you tell your single male friend something and he isn’t helping you to work things out with your husband than again refer to what I just said.  Although this came from a woman about male friends the same can be applied to woman friends for my men. Its imperative that you get yourself surrounded by married friends that are trying to make their marriage work as well.  You will find that if your married friends aren’t pushing to make their happily ever after happy they can and will encourage you towards negativity in your marriage.

The thing about marriage is that you need to work it out with your mate. The less hands in the pot the better.  I would find an older couple or even a more seasoned married couple that you respect to be able to talk to that will guide you along the waves of marriage.  Single male friends although are great to talk to in general they just don’t always have the mindset to get you where you need to be and that’s oneness with your husband and on the same page. The best person to speak about your marital issues is your husband.


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