Filter Please

As much as I try not to use many filters when I’m on social media the reality is that often times we need filters in our lives to keep us respectful and use tact.  Some people use filters to make themselves look better, trust me Instagram has some of the best ones I’ve seen.  My issues with filters and people is that they will use them on pictures but wont use them on an everyday basis to guard the things they say or do.  Why?

Let me give you an example of when its a good time to use a filter, work.  You may have the worst boss in the world.  One that is completely disrespectful.  Your boss may be the devil incarnate but you must exercise the ability to choose your words carefully.  There’s nothing worst than being in a situation and just because you are “keeping it real” you start saying anything and every thought that comes to mind.  Listen I’m all for not allowing others to take advantage of you.  There will be times to speak up, but not every time do you need to give someone a piece of your mind.  You don’t have enough to give out in the first place.

Another example when you should use a filter, speaking to a spouse.  I know that spouses, live in companions, or boyfriend/girlfriend situations you feel the need to speak freely. You should be yourself around the one you love.  There are times when tact over being right is key.  As much as I love my husband and I feel strongly about a topic sometimes the best approach is to be quiet and wait until what I have to say, what I mean to convey is done in taste.  Have I ever said something I shouldn’t have to my husband of course, but sometimes what we say has more damage than we expect.  I’ve had moments that the repair was costly.

The point is that we all need filters.  You can be grown and can say what you want but doesn’t mean you should.  I’ve gotten into many confrontations (arguments) and have said somethings that have hurt those around me.  I was in the right to say it.  I was making a point.  I was saying what I felt, but end of the day it hurt the other person.  I can’t say that all situations you aren’t going to offend someone.  As long as you’re on Earth, someone isn’t going to like the way you said and what you said.  You have to be the bigger person and make sure you take a second to think about what you want to leave with someone.

Filters are going to be a personal choice.  What I think someone should use a filter for will vary person to person.  The problem with that is you have to begin with general respect towards others.  Once respect is lost it’s hard to even think to use a filter with someone.  I know from personal experience how lost of respect will change everything.  There are times although rare where I get to the point where I do not want to be in a person’s presence so much that it becomes a chore to show love or respect to them.  Trust me these are rare instances and I’ve been fortunate not to have many, but it has happened.

Respect is earned.  You should give others a general line of respect to begin with.  I think that’s a working slate to begin with.  After that how someone treats you may sway the amount of filters you use.  Sometimes in life we have to use more filters when you find yourself in a situation where like at work, you can’t just go off for no reason.  You may have to use more filters with family and friends especially if you want to keep the relationship in tact.  The issue when you don’t use a filter and you hurt someone you take the risk to where they may not be so forthright in extending grace towards you.  Once filters aren’t used you don’t always get 2 and 3 chances to mess over people.  I think we as humans have been programmed to belief that sorry fixes things and they don’t.  Sorry is the first step but at times sorry isn’t enough.  Sorry doesn’t wipe away the history either. You can forgive but you will never fully forget.  So the next time you find yourself in a situation and you want to not use a filter when engaging with someone, think about what damage it will and if you are willing to cut all ties.  If you aren’t willing to accept what you say and the consequences that it brings it may be a good suggestion to keep quiet until you find a better approach. For every action there is a reaction.  So practice safe filters you don’t want to get in a situation where you end something before it can begin.
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