Love Week: We’re Married This is an Unnecessary Holiday!

Let me just say that as a married woman who the sparks can stop flying if you allow it.  I hear so often so many other married couples that complain that the things that their significant other did when they were in the dating world they no longer do.  This can be extremely frustrating.  So when these love fest holidays such as Valentine’s day comes as much as I hear singles complain about how they want a boo, I hear more complaints from married folks.

Now let’s be clear there is no one size fits all marriage.  What works for one couple differs to another. Here is the issue.  I hear married men complain about having to still buy flowers and these holidays are so commercial yet and there’s always a big YET, do NOT show affection in other ways all year round.  Married couples get into ruts that only birthdays and anniversaries count.  What?  So that’s it?  You mean to tell me all you do is turn on the charm twice a year and you don’t know why your lady or your man wants to celebrate a day that semi forces your hand?  Now let me say to the couples who truly turn it on all year-long-kudos to you.  You are the real MVP.  Why?  Marriage is hard work in an attempt to find a balance in your life as a couple, personal life, managing kids and friendships, 2 sides of a family, and we haven’t even added work life.  That is a lot to juggle.  So if you are filling your mate’s cup all year long and being consistent that is a blessing.

Please spare me that he/she doesn’t have to give you something on Valentine’s Day IF you complain by your attitude or your actions that you were disappointed.  Let me repeat that one more time.  IF you are mad, angry, bitter and upset because your spouse didn’t get you something for Valentine’s Day and you have told him/her in the past that the day didn’t matter, you are creating issues.  Why?  Simply because there’s nothing wrong in a gift exchange on Valentine’s Day.  It is not only for the single who are dating and still trying to “get some.”  Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the ones still in the honeymoon phase.  It doesn’t mean that you have to spend a lot to say I love you either, but we need to stop this condemnation amongst married couples that it’s wrong to still come home with flowers or cards on this day.  Couples should be allowed to still date each other.  Trust me in marriage this is important.

If you are married and don’t participate in the day your marriage is fine and it’s also just as fine should you decide you still want to gift something to your loved one.  The issue with married folks is trying to look down on a couple for how they choose to engage in expressing their love.  The issue with married couples is that the individuals don’t tell each other how they really feel.  You have one partner who wants the trinkets and another one who doesn’t.  So what do you do?  Do you deny the one partner a gift?  Dating in your marriage means that you are free to still be charming, spicy, loving, and sincere in your efforts.  However let me just say whatever you did to get your man or your woman you need to continue to do.  The fun, sexiness, and dating doesn’t stop once you are married. Try it you may find that spark again to love your mate.

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