Difficult Journeys, Bigger Rewards!

I hope today finds you in peace.  Let me speak on my personal journey that I experienced.  I just celebrated my youngest daughter’s 2nd birthday.  It was a great day for her.  She was so happy to tell anyone she saw that she’s 22222222.  Yes the joy in her eyes made my bad day at work almost melt away.  I looked at her and realized that the journey to get her here on Earth wasn’t in vain.

2 years ago I found out that I was going to be a mom for the third time.  I wasn’t necessarily excited.  I had 2 other children and the timing wasn’t something that made me leap with excitement.  As the pregnancy progressed I got excited especially when I found out my baby was another girl.  I was like okay I can do this, we can do this.  As time progressed it became apparent that something wasn’t right.  I went into work and my boss was talking to me and his voice seemed to be almost unbearable.  My boss was generally a medium speaking person and it wasn’t an issue before.  That day I felt like i was going to pass out.  I immediately called my husband and we went to the doctor.  He stayed with me as they monitored me and I thought well they will give me something for pain, let me rest, and send me home.  I was wrong.

They had decided to do a MRI.  When I woke up I didn’t realize that  almost 5 hours had passed.  I went in and it was morning and now night had fallen.  The doctors had been scurrying around while I was sleep to find a treatment plan.  I had no idea my life was about to change.  I was told that I had a large blood clot in my brain and that I was being admitted.  I went from peace to scared.  The only thing I thought about was if my daughter was okay and would she have to be born early.  I already had my oldest who was a preemie and I knew that if they had to go that route that I had to calm down and accept it.  They told me that she was perfectly fine and that the issue was keeping me healthy.  I was in the hospital for another 5 days.  I had to be put on blood thinners.  If you ever have been on them especially the ones I was on where I had to give myself a shot 2 times a day you know that you have to be very careful.

My appointments went from once a month to weekly. I had to get my “levels” in range.  So that meant that I had my shots changed sometimes 2 times a day before it would stabilize.  I also had to get blood drawn 2 times a week.  It was a lot.  I tried everything I could to stay positive.  Any time I had a headache I was rushed back to the doctors.  It was a never ending battle.  They decided that my my daughter’s birth was going to be a C-section since the other 2 had been before and it was going to be scheduled.  It had to be down to the minutes correct since C-Sections can cause a lot of blood lost.  I had a neurologist and extra staff in my delivery room.  On February 17 a beautiful feisty baby had been born.  She was everything I could imagine and more.  She latched on perfectly it was as if all the cares had ended, but again I was wrong.

Hours after having her I had passed a large blood clot.  They made my husband and family leave the room, a nurse stabbed me with morphine as another doctor took their hand and well you get the picture.  It was the worst.  They told me I should be okay.  I wasn’t.  1 day later the same thing happened while I was in the shower.  I left finally and still had to continue my blood thinner regiment.  My son was so excited to see me and after a long 2 days in the hospital I was happy to see my kidlets.  My son jumped on my belly.  Let me remind you I had a c-section and all the other issues and blood lost.  I immediately almost tossed my newborn to my husband and fell in pain.  I cried like the biggest baby ever.  The pain was that bad. I asked my husband to take me upstairs and I would be fine but I wasn’t. I felt a pop and then the pain came and I blacked in and out. I was being transported to the hospital again.  I was told by the doctors that I was the whitest black girl they had ever seen. I had no color and I had internal bleeding but they couldn’t go in and do surgery because I had to wait 12 hours to allow the blood thinners time to wear off or I would bleed to death.  I ended up having 2 blood transfusions and another week stay at the hospital. When I tell you that it was the most dramatic birth experience I had ever had take my word for it.

The flood of emotions that came to me looking at this little joys face yesterday made me grateful.  I was happy to know that through it all she had remained happy and healthy. She was untouched by all the things that had happened to me.  All she knows now is shes 2 and shes loved.  She is a fire cracker but how did I expect her not to be?  I’m grateful for my story, her story and our story.  I’m grateful for the hand of God on my life as well as the doctors, and my angel I’ll call him my sunshine that donated blood specifically for my recovery.  I’m happy to be in the land of the living.  With all that I have going on in my life I will never take for granted that life is worth the push and worth the sacrifice.  If you are having some sort of difficulty know that it will end.  It will get better. Take a deep breath and handle it.  You are more than enough and you have what it takes to make it out of it all.

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