Chill, Everyone Ain’t After Him

Last week I had a call a woman.  It was really on some professional  level.  Nothing about the call was disrespectful to say the least.  When I got on the line I needed to speak to her husband.  She gave me the business about how I needed to get through her to speak to her man.  I don’t want your man.  I don’t even know what your man looks like.  I don’t need to go on trial to speak to your husband about a business matter.  If he’s unavailable I will leave a message and he can kindly return the call.  I don’t have to be prescreened to talk to your man.  I know some women side eyeing that last statement but side eye right on.

Now let me say I’m married.  I’m not going to lie and say that I have not had moments like that.  When I was in my 20s I was the super possessive girlfriend.  I deal with insecurity like the next women here and there.  I had to learn in my 20s that a man although nice to have doesn’t mean that I have to hold onto him so tight.  Often times when you do, he will run off anyway.  I think when a woman calls a home she should be respectful from the jump.  I don’t think she should have to go out of her way to be extra respectful.  If you carry yourself in a manner, it will come off.  Now if I called the couple’s home and hung up on her because a female’s voice answered, I could see the response.  If I was even rude to the wife after she practically made me give her my first born social security number than maybe.  However my call wasn’t about that and her line of questioning revealed that she has issues.

I think its customary to ask who I am and what the nature of my call was for.  I answer my calls the same but when she said whatever you need to say to him, you need to say to me that’s when I had to bite my tongue.  What in the world do I need to divulge the information to you and your capable of answering husband is the one I called?  Ladies, there is nothing cute about this behavior.  Why do you need to control every aspect of his life?  Can he not answer a professional call without the 3rd degree? So after I practically gave her the information, she says oh now you can talk to him.  I was pricked by this foolishness at this point.  She says ain’t no woman talking to my man about nothing unless I hear the matter first.  You don’t like it don’t call.  I said to myself okay.  I thought to myself had she thought by doing this her man couldn’t get involved with another woman. Maybe he had cheated and she doesn’t trust him.  Possibly.  However that is her issue and she’s making it my issue.

All women don’t want your man.  Your man ain’t that wonderful.  He’s with you and you need to work it out between you and him.  You can’t hold a man’s penis to stop him from cheating.  Yes I said it and it’s true.  You can’t hold that man’s penis to prevent him from cheating.  He has to be able to go out into the world and either honor you or not.  If you think that by screening all calls, checking his text messages he won’t come up short if he wanted to you are sadly mistaken.  I think my husband is the best for me.  I love everything about him.  But guess what, he’s attracted to other women.  He has eyes and he can see hips and breasts because they are all around him.  There’s more breast and thighs within a distance than at KFC.  I can’t follow him around and MAKE him respect me.  I don’t have the time or the will power. I have to be willing to trust him.  That misguided woman on the phone clearly has trust issues.  Do we not realize that a part of love is making that trust leap.  Its hard at times.  Our own hurt plays a large part in how we interact with others.  Our own hurt makes or breaks how we love another human being.  We have to be willing to be vulnerable.  That doesn’t mean ignore signs.  That doesn’t mean pass out hall passes.

Trusting your man has a lot to do with how you heal from past relationships.  I’m the biggest advocate for women to take some time to define themselves and know what they will or what they won’t deal with.  When you jump into relationship after relationship its like jumping into water with no knowledge of how to swim and then floundering.  You must honor yourself in how you deal with you.  I broke up with that same boyfriend from my 20s and it took a few years of learning about me before we united and made a life together.  I don’t even judge the young woman I spoke on the phone today.  Why?  It’s simple, she was me a few  long years ago.  Ask my friends.  They will tell you.  Do you know how irritating it is to have a woman in your circle that has to make scenes thinking or overreacting to every female that sniffs around your man.  YOU look silly.  That doesn’t mean that women aren’t disrespectful by nature.  They are but not all women.  Please remember that not ALL women are.  However you are in charge in how you move around other women.  So if you are the type that has to be in charge in how your man even breaths I would be willing to bet that he feels a certain way about it.  I would be willing to bet that he may try to jump from your tight grip.  Ladies, relax.  Either the man you are with that you don’t trust needs his walking papers or you need to back down and relax and learn to love with trust in your mirror.  If you can’t do that and are having issues, no need to worry.  Either take some time to work on you or put love on hold until you are ready.

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