Some things can be asked a thousand times. This next feature I know very well. She is the sister to my best friend. Some of the things you will read may make you uncomfortable. Let me reassure you its a story that fits most lives. Depression is a real life story. I have suffered with it at various moments in my own personal life. My goal is to allow people to be able to speak candidly about what they are going through without thinking they are weak. There’s nothing weak about experiencing life and having the hit sometimes take you out. There’s nothing weak about saying that you just can’t figure out a solution. There’s nothing weak about needing help. I pray that this story will inspire you to seek the help you need if you are floundering. So many times the hurt people are in our very midst but often times we are too consumed in ourselves that we fail to speak across the aisle. Take the time to check up on friends and family. Here is Terry’s story:
Living in a home where alcohol, physical, and verbal abuse seemed very normal. Being sexually abused at the time where I was starting to mature and my emotions where everywhere felt so right because I wanted to be loved and paid attention by somebody (never being taught that was wrong).
I became very insecure and suffered with low self esteem. I didn’t know my worth and I didn’t care because I hated life and people. I became very bitter, envious, and jealous because I never felt pretty enough. I lacked self confidence and feared failure. I became depressed and was in denial. The death of my brother to suicide and the death of my mother to breast cancer caused the depression to become a normal part of my life. I suffered with massive depression with thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. Depression was my drug; I was never happy and always miserable. I carried depression around as if it was suppose to be a part of my life. I couldn’t function without. Being happy and full of life was not me. The saying hurt people, hurt people is so true, I caused so much pain and suffering to my husband and children like never before that I am still in the process of fixing.
The most difficult trial was God pushing me out of my comfort zone. My family and I moved to Virginia in the summer of 2014 due to my husband getting a “job” (that’s another long story) which at the time I thought was great having the opportunity to start over, meet new people, an all around fresh start. Well long and behold that was not the case we literally hit rock bottom to the point I wanted to end my, at the time my 17 year marriage, because I felt there was no hope and we just made the biggest mistake ever. We were here in an unknown place with no family or friends, my faith was at an all time low. One thing I know is that my family needed a church home, I am so glad my mother instilled that in me at an early age. We started attending Speaking Spirit Ministries in Richmond, VA were to this day is getting fed the unadulterated Word that has been sustaining us through this whole process.
After all these years I finally had enough of being angry and frustruated all the time over little dumb things and not really relying on God. These last couple of weeks has been life changing, I needed to get to the root so I asked God to show me where and when all of this started. God took me all the way back to my childhood and exposed those things that I have been pushing out of my mind for years and told me its time to deal with it and get to the root of your anger. I have been humiliated by people, embarrassed by peers, given nicknames, the list goes on. Now I am at the place in my life where I can really forgive, allow the healing process to begin.
My special tools to help me overcome was allowing God to be God, pushing me out the way admitting I have issues that I can’t keep sweeping under rug and just “praying about it” but really getting to the root. Also allowing God to place the right people in your life that not only hold you accountable but also help with your spirtiual growing process. God has placed some amazing mentors in my life and they are twins (Rochelle and Michele). I call them the POWER TWINS, when one doesn’t get me the other does. They have always stayed by my side even when my stubborn behind didn’t want to deal with the truth.
My goals for myself is to step out of fear and share my testimony to other women that may be struggling. I want to be that hope-giver, if I made it out so can you because God is no respecter of person. I want to be a mentor to other women young and old being an Godly example not only talking the talk but walking the walk.
The legacy I want to leave my family is that in spite of all the obstacles that I had to go through I never gave up on them. My husband and five children will know that only way you will make it is having a real relationship with God because just being religious wont get you know where, I am a witness. Through it all my faith in God got stronger.
The message for young women that I want to leave is know your self-worth, I have three daughters that I constantly instill in them. Before ever getting into any type of relationship deal with your issues from the past, no man or child will fix your problems. Cut out and get rid of all ungodly soul ties if you want to be the women who God has called you to be. Never let your past define your present or future!!!
So as you can see. Life doesn’t end when distress, stress, depression and all of the other things that want to knock you down happen. Life actually can begin. It’s a slippery slope to being able to see past your past. The first thing people want to do is forget the things that happen. You don’t have to forget them. Keep in mind its the very thing that makes you. Keep your focus on what is to come. Surround yourself with people who can call a spade a spade. If you have a bunch of yes people and nobody to tell you NO, your team is as strong as your weakest member. You need people who can pull you and people who will tell you when you need to keep on going. If you are dealing with any past trauma please seek help. Yes go to church, call on a higher being, meditate. I don’t care what phrase you associate with it but there are moments in life where you need some professional help to navigate you to your next season. There are many adults still paralyzed by the wounds of their youth. Take charge and in time you too can be solid on the inside to match that great outside.