Ask Toi: Can you be in love with someone more than they love you?

Yes.  You can be in love with someone more than they love you.  I heard someone say that the one who loves the most ends up being the one who get the worst end of the stick.  I sort of think that is true.  When you love someone more than you they usually will care less than you and therefore take for granted certain aspects of the relationship.  When both partners seem to have a general love for one another it doesn’t come up.

How can you measure love?  Its not just in the giving of lovey dovey feelings.  Its more in how they respect and honor you.  I know when you get married you should marry the one who treats you just as well or better than themselves.  Trust me if you get someone who loves themselves more than you, you will end up with a lot of broken promises and hurt feelings.  So be careful.  Now let me que my readers into one more aspect that is missing from the title, the reader states that her significant other seems to be rude and cold to her. Love is everlasting but the attributes of love comes in waves.  This is something that people don’t tell you.  I don’t know if the relationship is marital or just dating but that matters.  In dating if you are already experiencing issues or rudeness and coldness my option for you is to count up the cost.  Life is too short to work too hard for dating situations to be like this and the other person doesn’t want to change and that’s real.  If this is marital than of course there’s simply more questions and more work to be done. This is why I stress don’t get married if you aren’t ready to put in the work. It’s easier in dating scenarios to walk away than marriages.  Marriages will ride waves all the time. People change.  The same man or woman you married even if you are a newlywed is not the same man a month later whose sock is on the ground in front of the basket.

Let me also dispel that arguments and the one who shows the less care can be equated to who loves the most.  In arguments the one who is more passionate about what is being argued about comes off as caring more.  Its simply a passion of the item being discussed. Do not take that as a definitive answer for if your partner loves you or not.  What I can suggest is you get some time to yourself to really be clear on what you want and really evaluate what you and your partner have. Stick to the facts of what is going on.  Often times we allow how we feel to take over and make fleeting decisions only to turn around and regret what we have said and done.  Good luck out there!


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