Ladies, my heart goes out to the single women. I mean honestly there are too many factors these days to consider. You have to be sure the man you are attempting to spend time with is who he says he is. It can be a lot. I think often times we spend so much time trying to navigate in the dating world that we don’t always pay attention to the little things.
Let me give you my little things to watch for:
- He says one thing but does another. When I was dating I encountered the I got you man. This is the man who always says how much he’s going to do for you because you deserve it. However its never that you needed him to do it but when its time for all this pampering he said he would do, it doesn’t always happen. Run from this man. A man who will lie about a $30 nail appointment is to be avoided. Let me clarify its not about what you can get from him its his lie that is the issue.
- He lacks drive. He is the type of man who has little to no ambition. You find yourself almost babysitting this man. He has aspirations but falls short in completing his goals. There’s always an excuse. If that man doesn’t or won’t value his own passions what makes you think he will value or help you build your own?
- The I ain’t never got it man. So this man is different from the one that promises you the world or at least a descent fill in. This is the man who is comfortable. He knows his money won’t make his ends meet but although he’s not in school or pursuing his passions doesn’t have issues with never having anything to add to the pot. These are the ones that turn from boyfriend to dependent. Why? It’s not what is in their account its their desire to recognize that he needs more and make it happen. He’s the twin to lack of drive man. This man will tell himself that living from paycheck to paycheck is okay and will want you, his mom, or his friends when they are out to fill in the gap.
For my Married friends:
You can have married someone in the above categories and realize it a little too late. You thought you could change him. He sounded as if he had high hopes for getting past these above phases and still hasn’t. You are frustrated. This man seems to frustrate your purpose but you are sticking it out. Now let me be clear marriage even if you are head over heels in love will still produce moments of frustration. The goal is not have the same frustration all the time. It gets sticky when the same arguments are being had and no resolution in sight. I know marriage goes in waves. You won’t always ride the same one every time. So once you balance that and you find that the man you married frustrates your purpose, it may be time to bring in a professional. I know a lot of people are against martial counseling, but its a great tool. You won’t be able to just shake yourself out of everything all the time, all alone. Help is not a sign of weakness.
We all have to figure life out. There isn’t a manual. What you can do is make the best decisions for you and live with the consequences of those decisions. Be careful to listen to the butterflies in your stomach when you are dealing with a man who appear to have the attributes you think you want. You may get what you want and not be happy with the packaging after.