Do you understand that although you can change your life people will NEVER forget what you said and did? Let me say this upfront, please do NOT read not a sentence more because today I will not be politically correct. In my house we were raised with a sense of realness that most houses would be afraid to speak about. This is why the Iyanla’s are so sought after because we don’t have folks willing to just say what needs to be said. Every one is walking on egg shells for a bunch of folks that don’t like you and never will.
We ALL have a past. Mine ain’t pretty and neither is yours. I don’t care if you grew up in the church all your life and help up the pillars, you got a past. It amazes how many of us forget that when we deal with others. I had a great weekend and it was so laid back and quiet. During this weekend I ran into an old friend that had nothing but realness to give me. I have known this girl for at least 10 years if not more. Of course when you see folks they want to catch up. This weekend was no different.
She began telling me how much I had changed. I was quick to thank her and as we spoke she started telling me some things she had heard about me. I told her what parts of what she said was true and what parts were spoon fed to her by people who don’t like me. I think by her face she was definitely not expecting my response. I kindly reminded her that when people don’t like you they will believe anything you tell them. I told her she can believe anything that she would like. She said she thought I would be mad. I told her to be mad at gossip is like being mad at air. As long as folks have mouth they will talk. I can’t run up on every person who have said bad things about me. Some of it is true and some of it is false. I informed her that at this point in my life all I can do is be a good mom, tend to my husband, make better decisions and simply enjoy life is how you move past all of the negativity.
There’s a lesson in every thing that is said about you and to you. I just looked and listened. I wanted to defend myself on every wrong point, but what would be the point. The person she got her information from is going to continue. I had already cut engaging with the very sources of her gossip. Isn’t it funny that when you live a simple life and just stay to yourself that you hear the most foolery? It doesn’t matter what changes I have made, my hoe miles don’t expire. Now I know someone reading this is so super offended by the word of hoe. Hoe doesn’t mean being laid up on your back or however you get down with someone, hoe means a raggedy life that you once lived and now since you have changed people are unforgiving. Get over the folks that hold over your life what you did in your pass. You will NEVER be in their good graces.
Let me give my own personal testimony. I had my first daughter out of wedlock. No biggy since like my momma told me, you ain’t the first and you won’t be the last. I was amazed at how many folks who had kids the very same way whispering about how much of a hoe I was. Yes, a hoe. The words were much worst but for the point I’m making, let’s ride wiht that. This hurt me for a little bit as I went through my pregnancy. I at one point was stuck mentally until I realized a few things. One, I had amazing support from the ones I was going to have it from. I had a child to focus on so I immediately made changes. Let me say and I won’t give the name of the young woman who taught me this but folks forget that their hoe miles don’t have an expiration. What that means is folks forget they have a past because they have made changes in their life. They speak down on others and forget that their greatest testimony can have life if they embrace where they are and where they come from. If they only understood they could have been such a great help to me by showing me that I too can overcome like they did, boy what a much stronger relationship it could have been?
With blogging it always reminds me of my past, what I have yet to work on but I can’t throw stones at others while I live in a glass house. Please check your words, your intentions, and be clear in dealing with others. You can avoid drama simply by never forgetting to treat others like you yourself want to be treated and handled.
If you are crying, still talking about, dying over, wishing and hoping that the very folks who did you wrong will change and allow that to stop you from being better you have just sealed the negativity in their minds. Stop it!!
Live for yourself. Forgive yourself. Yes the greatest forgiveness comes from within. Acknowledge and own your past. You know that you can’t change it. You can get saved, go to church, preach and teach but end of day its your past, you did it! If you own it no one can own you. Who owns you today? How many people you doing flips and tricks for to get them to see you in a better life? How many people you got to pay for your freedom? Me the only one I owe is God. Everyone else is just spectators in life. I will not let people bind me by my past and if you ever want to really live, you need to do the same. Now before my readers think something popped off to get me to this point, it didn’t. This is about as real of a Monday motivation as you are going to get. My weekend was filled with peace and family time. I don’t shy from things. I grew up where being real was normal. People are going to have all kinds of motivation but one thing that I can’t get you to do is recover from the whispers. There are folks in the grave still got power over folks that are alive and can do better. Do you hear me? Dead folks ain’t got no power. Not in the literal or other sense. They have no power. You let dead relationships that you know don’t mean you well hold power over you too. What in the world? Live.
How powerful whispers are for you is how much power you allow? If you are the type that needs people to like you to make you feel accomplished, you won’t get much done. I’m sorry but do you know the very ones you look up to for validation are doing the same thing you are doing….
Validate you. Stop waiting for someone else to hand you your life. It’s yours. You alone are left with the consequences of your actions so if there is any accountability the mirror is where it should start. Stop looking past the mirror for your reflection of what is right. You literally have what you need to make the changes you want to see. Make peace within and you can make peace with others. The second your peace returns to you then you need to shake the very dust off of your feet and simply live.
There is someone struggling this morning. They are struggling wanting validation from others. They have so many great ideas but don’t think that they can press through cause a few folks know them. Some of your greatest support may not come from familiar faces. I had someone in my life tell me why do I blog and can figure out the words to say if I couldn’t say the right thing to her? What? She and I was having a debate and things went left, that’s the reality of the situation. There is not editing in life as I can edit in my blogs. Was I supposed to stop blogging because of a mishandled disagreement? Um, not in this lifetime. Thankfully moving on doesn’t require signatures and approvals. I write this today hoping someone else can benefit. I hope you can see that even the best of us have issues and that you can make change in your life if you want it. No one can give you a better life but you. You can be held down by your past and let the hoe miles make you bitter and angry. Acknowledge your past so no one else can hold you down by it. Remember you will still hear the stories. It’s up to you to smile and thank God for the great things He has done in your life and be better.