Ask Toi: Have you ever spoken about a significant other and it turned from bad to worse?

Yes.  I’ve been completely guilty of stating how I felt about my husband when things were hard. I’ve also painted him in a pretty bad light in the past as well.  It’s not something I’m proud of but it has happened.  One of the things that I have learned from that is that people are less likely to move on as quickly as I do.  In a nut shell I love my husband. There’s no other way of getting around it but just because I love don’t always mean I like all the things said or done.  So in those moments I’m more cautious of why I felt the need to share information and when I share it.  Now I may only share it with a close friend or two and usually if they tell me about something that they are going through and we have already gotten through.  I try not to share every argument because others aren’t equipped to separate issues from venting.  When you are venting you aren’t gathering your friends for an intervention you are simply getting some things off your chest.  Be careful of the audience you share things with.  Not everyone cares or even wants to hear your drama but reality is some people only want to hear your drama because it makes them feel like their life is better than yours.  Sadly it really can come down to simply that.

Did you know that often times the way you present your spouse to your friends and family has so much to do in how they are received and perceived?  It’s true.  If you tell your family and friends all the negative things that happens in your relationship do NOT wonder why they are standoffish.  Yes we know people should treat others based solely on their actions but unless you live on another planet people aren’t built like that.  Find ways to speak positively about your mate.  You don’t have to be extra with it but if its good its good. Newsflash often times people can tell by the glow of love on your face.  Now keep in mind EVERY relationship will be tested but be careful who you feed information because there are many snakes in the grass waiting to see if you are unhappy to get their chance to bite and that’s the truth.

Yes I have opened my mouth spilling my pains of relationship to the right people, people who will say girl, OK but if you love him work it out.  I have spilled the same information to others who will say let’s get em.  You got to know that either one of the responses are possible so think about what you are okay with others knowing.  One other flip to that is not even just for your significant other but about you as well.  You can come off looking bat crazy for love.  Sometimes you will be and sometimes you won’t be.  I guess that’s why its called crazy in love.  Just don’t be a fool there’s a difference.

We all have that friend that paints their relationship so bad that it makes you want to break them up.  You have to be understanding of your friend that they may be going through a rough patch.  But if you are in a situation and they are being harmed and I’ve been in the place where I have gotten those calls to, empower the person to do the best for them.  Sometimes even with a painted picture, a sign, a t-shirt, and a banner they will not see the right way out for themselves.  I know some people who have cut their friend off for not leaving someone because it became too much for them to comprehend.  To me that’s a bit much.  If you cut your friend off because they are dealing with someone you think is a loser, what does that say about you?  People have to get to good places in their lives at their time and pace.  I’m not one to cut off but I may limit calls but won’t dismiss that friend simply because they are living with a bad decision.  Their decision doesn’t affect me and as much as I have been hurt watching a friend hurt, I can maturely separate their issues from my personal life.  If you find you can’t tell them you encourage them to do what’s best for them but that you aren’t equipped to handle their challenges.  That’s more honorable than just cutting them off.

 

 

 

 

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