Ask Toi: Is it okay to ask my wife’s sister not to visit our home?

It depends.  This is a very vague question.  On the surface the answer is no.  My reasoning is simple, if your family is allowed what makes your wife’s sister not able to come to your home? Now let me say unless extreme disrespect has occurred then you are going to have to roll with that NO.  Why? You aren’t expected to like your wife’s sister but you are expected to show her respect.  Your wife and her sister are going to want to visit each other and connect.  Now that doesn’t mean it has to be at your house all the time but to think that in the course of your marriage she’s not going to visit at least once at your home doesn’t make sense.

Not all families have this cookie cutter relationship but a general level of tolerance should be granted.  We aren’t talking about a cousin but her sister.  Now if her sister has been down right disrespectful I would assume other than just plain not liking you than its something to look into and have a conversation.  I wouldn’t have anyone in your home that is causing division regardless of the relationship but in the same token you have to know your reasons.  So this means you need to talk to your wife.  Now if you and your wife have had a discussion or even an argument regarding the sister and you are looking for me to tip the scale one way or other I can’t do that.  One you haven’t provided me enough information to go by.  If your wife’s sister has gotten in your face, threaten to harm you or called you out your name I think that you are definitely justified.  And to any reader that would suggest that because we are talking about a male in that he has no right to feel threatened by a woman you are misguided.  Any one who threatens you with physical harm even if they are capable or not has not only shown disregard for you but that they have absolutely no control and can’t be trusted.

If it was on the other foot and it was your sister causing issues would your wife be okay with her visiting your home?  If no than maybe having a conversation to work things out is in order.  If it hasn’t gotten to this level than maybe a sit down with your sister in law with your wife present may work.  This way the attempt to make things better is the key.  Like I said you and your wife’s sister don’t have to be close but you do have to be both respectful. Your wife sister has to understand you and her sister are married and are on the same team.  That’s why the team should sit down and attempt to make it right.

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