Mommy Guilt

Welcome to another mom’s week here at ToiTime.  I will repost some of the blogs from last year as well as highlight some new blogs.  Today we are talking about mom guilt.   Moms know what mom guilt is.  It’s the time where you double think any time away from your kids, any me time, any purchase that wasn’t for your kids, or any fun you have had away from your kids.  How sad but I don’t know of a mom who hasn’t had this feeling. It starts as soon as you have your little bundle of joy.  You don’t ask for help when you are a new mom because you are supposed to be super woman and wear a cap 24/7 right? Wrong. You think of anyone offering you time to shower is saying your a bad mom right? Wrong. Yet no matter what type of mom you are we ALL go through it.

So let’s try to work on having less of it.  I have been somewhere and decided to purchase a small item. As soon as I put the item in my cart I begin the what do the kids need?  What’s coming up?  Do we have enough wipes? Pull-ups? Clothes?  Let’s face it all of my kids needs are always met way before my husband and I’s because that’s what good parents do. However mom guilt never ceases to stop.  One of the other ways mom guilt comes in is when it’s time to leave the kids with their dad or even a sitter.  You immediately go into that no one can do it better.  What I have learned is that better isn’t always key.  Just because your kids are used to how mommy does it, its okay for mommy to have a break and do the things she needs to be healthy herself.  Yes ladies with children a happy mommy is a better mommy.  Not a overly stressed out mommy with no outlet.

I know coins are tight.  I was a stay at home for many years and only one income coming in.  I have blogged many times about ways to bring some fun and excitement into your life even at home on a budget.  Sometimes its not the budge that is the issue it’s letting go. Your kids will still be in one piece when you return.  Do NOT cancel another date, another friend activity, or even some me time because you don’t want to leave your kids.  They are fine.  The renewed sense of love and peace in your face will be enough. I am not suggesting to act as if mommy guilt don’t exist, it does. I am saying find healthier ways of dealing with it.

Here is my list of how to deal with Mommy guilt:

  1. Save a little money on the side for yourself.  That way you will feel like you earned it.
  2. Unless your child is severely sick and you don’t have anyone to help you than do NOT cancel plans.  I have had to cancel plans if one of my kids is in the hospital but a bad cold and you have help, they will be fine.  DO NOT CANCEL.
  3. Link up with other moms via phone, text, parenting groups, etc.  There’s always support in numbers.  Regardless of parenting methods we all want what’s best for our kids.
  4. Get an outlet.  Yes you are tired, and don’t have time but if you don’t make time for you everyone around you including your precious little ones will suffer. If you can make time to complain you can make time to find a solution.
  5. Learn to say no.  I know this one is hard but you don’t have to do it all and do it all in a day.  Do not allow others in your life to dump on your plate.
  6. Delegate-yes even if your husband or man in your life doesn’t do it your way, if he assists that’s better than nothing.  Learn not to only ask for help but to actually be direct in saying what you need that will help you.
  7. Relax-find ways to destress.  Often times we allow stress to mount.  Instead of finding solutions to our issues we focus on the negativity.  Remember the way you handle stress the little ones can see it and pick up on it too.  Be proactive in being whole.

So this is mom’s week.  We will cover issues with single moms, stay at home moms, working moms, surrogate moms aka the moms that didn’t give birth but are moms nonetheless, the moms who have passed on this is a hard week for the ones left here feeling a sense of emptiness, god moms, moms who have lost their babies, etc.  As you can see moms are pretty much on every level.  If you are involved directly or indirectly in a child’s life in a nurturing way, this is your week! MOMS ROCK!

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