So I was doing my normal surfing on social media and came across the #maybehedoesnthit movement. I was truly inspired and sad about the stories from both men and women about the abuse they dealt with in their relationships. I was shocked because some of the things that people were saying to me seemed like common things that most people have gone through.
For instance maybehedoesnthit but he makes you feel like your feelings aren’t valid. Think about that one. Who hasn’t been told that oh you tripping, oh you being a baby, that’s stupid, etc. It doesn’t make it right. Why isn’t someone’s feelings valid? They are it’s simply that the person receiving plain old doesn’t want to deal with it. That should be the response, your emotions are valid but I don’t want to deal with it or you. So the receiver of the message would rather sugar coat it and make it come off to the messenger that it’s them. I quoted on facebook (personal page) the following message:
People were like omg really that’s some good stuff. I too have been guilty of being lazy in relationships but one thing is for sure when you allow laziness in it will take over more than one area. For instance we let our guard down especially women to the point where we except certain bad behaviors. If you did a check up on yourself daily you would be able to see whats not serving you anymore. But we just leap. I read an article about basically men are more able to keep their focus on their personal more than women. Again for my sensitive folks, that’s not the standard its a generalization. Get in where you fit in. We get into relationships and lose ourselves but that man is still out there grinding. I’ve heard many times that women define their successes on relationships while men define success on status, jobs, etc. Now the big disclaimer is not ALL men. Ask yourself if you are a man if you are more on point in getting your coins than you are worried about taking care of home. We know you can pay bills, we know you get checks, but what about a real covering? If men want to be kings than what are you doing for your kingship outside of simple provision. Women are out here making coins too so it’s not feasible to believe that it takes more than a wallet to make it happen. Don’t worry ladies I’m coming for us too. To my men, what does a king do? I do not EVER pretend to know what it takes to be a man. Let’s get that out-of-the-way now so you can be open to receive. However from a woman’s perspective we need covering. A covering in a relationship is someone who is there to provide, to protect and that means from emotional abuse, from others, from the world. So if your woman can’t confide in you and see you as a blanket from pain, than what? Are you the reason of her pain? It doesn’t take the responsibility for her to get her life right, but you still got to be more than just simply there.
For my men as a covering are you able to see something and stop it from happening simply because you are in tuned to what the needs of your home life may be. You know like you are on top of your work life, applying the same energy? Yeah its a lot. It’s a lot to take on but if you are stepping up to the plate and God brought it to you, you can handle it. That takes a man having a higher power over him, focused, prayed up, and ready to do the work. Again, laziness makes you not want to step up in all areas.
Ladies, like I said we got to hit us if we going to hit these men. We have to be able to be covered. Again sorry men you have to be something to be under. You want submission without the work. The member in your pants doesn’t equate to immediate submission. So once you do have a covering ladies, we got to be able to take responsibility for our actions. You can’t leave it on his plate. He’s carrying enough. So we have to be able to take some stands too. You have to get the help you need and it’s not always going to come from your boo. I know, he came in and like my mom would say he was supposed to be engine, engine number 9 right? Wrong. I have been guilty and my husband can attest but that’s not healthy. You can’t no matter what your status is put all of your confidence in your man and wonder why he failed you, you failed yourself in your unhealthy expectations. He is not going to fix you, or it. You got work to do in your personal life. Can he be supportive yes. What happens when he’s tired of your crap or you of his? He checks out so will you check out on yourself? If you aren’t strong enough to let a man or a woman go through their own stuff you will attach yourself to them and then leave yourself wide open for anything. You have to be careful what you entertain. Ladies do NOT give up on your personal passions. Let me repeat that in another way, the thing you did that made you smile before that man make you weak in the knees, continue. Do not stop your relationships with your girlfriends, going out, completing crafts, none of that. You may have to modify the timing of the events but you should not stop them. Men aren’t going to stop they will modify but not stop. We all need balance so you need to keep yours as well.
Take the time to read some of the #maybehedoesnthit (which can apply to maybeshedoesnthit) hashtags. They are overwhelmingly powerful even if your relationship is strong and steady. You can read the pain that some of the people writing them are in and I know you can relate to at least one. We are important. Never forget the importance of yourself. Never forget to take time out for yourself. If anything isn’t right and you are in a relationship express it and then make a plan for when it’s no longer serving you. Even in marriage you must have a plan. Do not get comfortable. The worst thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to get comfortable.