Ask Toi: How do you deal when you find out that your gf/bf isn’t in it for the long haul?

One I’m really sorry that this is happening to you.  The longer you have been with your girlfriend/boyfriend will mean the more hurt you are experiencing.  It can be a gut check when you think the one on your team or attempting to be on your team is not all in.  For that I again have empathy.

The other side to that is that its best to know now.  That won’t make you feel better right now and it’s not supposed to.  It will be what you will rely on once you begin to heal. When you are dating someone it’s so much easier to break off a relationship that is not serving you than it is when you are married, engaged, or even living together.  You have to see that it was a blessing in disguise.  Dating is a fun time in your life as well as it can be challenging. You can find any man or woman but you are looking for the one that you need to build with.  You need the one that makes your heart flutter and one you can make a lifetime with if marriage and lifetime are on your radar.  I know of a couple who are married.  The husband was in a motorcycle accident.  The wife has been super supportive. However he knows of a man who lost his girlfriend as soon as he was in a motorcycle because his girlfriend couldn’t support him through losing his leg.  You say well that’s horrible that the girlfriend would leave him.  It is but the truth of the matter is that no everyone is meant to take a lifetime journey through the thick and thin.  You can’t expect a girlfriend or boyfriend to be there for you like a wife and husband.  The reality is you dodged a bullet because the one who is meant to be with you through the ups and downs of life will be there no matter what.

When I was about to get married my dad asked me if I was ready to do anything for my fiance.  He asked me if something happened to him could I spend my life taking care of the emotional, mental, and physical needs of my fiance.  Think about that for a second.  It sounds really cute to say you are going to ride until the end but if you had to wipe your mate’s behind because they weren’t able to, could you?  If you are looking for a lifetime partner than you must look at lifetime partner qualities.  This goes beyond physical attributes.  Can they pick up the slack if you lost a job, and would they be willing?  Could you do the same in return?  Can you navigate and be there through deaths of parents or even a child?  Do you want children?  Have you talked about parenting styles?  You can’t wait until you are deep in to begin this quest if this is where you intent to be.  It sounds like whomever you were with wasn’t lifetime minded.  They were not ready to take on whatever you had on the table.  You need to be honest with yourself.  Could it be you didn’t realize you were lifetime material yourself?  Sometimes just to be with someone they will tell us that they aren’t looking for something serious. You go along with it hoping to change them but you never will.  Then they get wings ready to roll because they see you doing lifetime things and aren’t ready for that phase of life.  So you play yourself because you accept what you knew you didn’t want.  So always be true.  Always be willing to set the standard and if the standard isn’t met be okay with letting them go.  It hurts like hell in the beginning but is worth it in the end. Good Luck!


3 thoughts on “Ask Toi: How do you deal when you find out that your gf/bf isn’t in it for the long haul?

  1. Great post, especially love this line: “if you had to wipe your mate’s behind because they weren’t able to, could you?”. That’s really what people need to think about when it comes to forever. Forever + worst possible outcome not Forever + sunshine and rainbows for the rest of your life

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was so on point. After evaluating the situation, I realized it was a gift. If a person shows you who they are in the beginning thank them and keep it moving. Experience is the best teacher and I realized this person had no empathy for others. There were a few examples that were true red flags. I knew that if I was in need he would be the last person I called for assistance. Clearly, not a person for the long haul. The character of a person is so important and it was definitely lacking. In the beginning, it is a hard pill to swallow, however, you quickly learn those who leave were never meant to stay.

    Liked by 1 person

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