Why I refuse to be a yes Woman!!

Now don’t get me wrong.  I think we all need to have yes in our spirit to some degree.  Being totally against anything that may be good for you is never a good thing.  However you also have to know when to fold.  Often times during various parts in my  life I have had been told it’s wrong to say no.

It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my oldest when I learned to begin taking charge.  I was a straight A student in high school.  I didn’t give my parents major issues.  If they said don’t I generally didn’t.  You can confirm this with my parents lol.  However even in college I was so caught up in what others thought and their wishes that I missed out on opportunities to be me.

When I was carrying my daughter there we’re a lot of things I had no control over.  She was born 6 weeks early and I had to take a back seat to ensure I delivered safely.  After she was born I had folks running out of no where telling me how to parent.  It was exhausating at times.  I would take her coat off and have a million, why did you put that on her? What about her hair?  Most of these folks weren’t even aware of her medical issues nor had supported me through the difficult pregnancy.  It was my mom who saw me stressed and she gave me the most valuable lesson, parent your way and learn how to back folks off of you.

I was taken back by her response.  She told me of a story where she too had the same issue.   People mean well but they don’t get the balance in assisting and being a take over legend.  I respect my mom and I was glad she told me that. Now I am a person who can listen to others.  There’s a place for everyone to learn something new from others, but when they take over you emotionally, mentally, or physically it’s time to back folks up off of you.

When I first started blogging I got so many people who wanted to know why I was doing it.  It was simple it was outlet and I enjoyed it.  I got a lot of positive support but with anything there we’re a few negative Nancy’s.  I have been through it all in my short span and I plan on writing a book later down the road. Some people want to control what you do, how you do, and when.

If you’re a child that makes sense but if you’re an adult there’s no room for dictatorship in your personal decision making.  If you are concerned about what others think and you’re grown, two things you need to do.  One look at the name that comes on your bills.  The second is open your online banking and see who makes the deposits into the account.  He who makes the gold makes the rule. So if someone is financing your life and you want them out, get a job. Simple plan. If they don’t finance it then they can be a contributor in the comment section of life but they aren’t the author of your story.

Now inbetween that when you don’t apply the back up off of me plan you are going to have headaches, heartache, anxiety, stress, etc. None of those things sound fun.  So cut the fat and the folks from having first place voice in your life. It will give you a freedom you deserve.

Oh and I know it breaks your heart because the folks are talking about you and it hurts.  Newsflash even if you followed every step they give they will still talk.  If you’re in your 20s you may care.  I get it and did it.  If you are in your 30s and you care, you need to reevaluate your life. Anything past 30 definitely is a red flag that you need to go on a spiritual journey.  Time is short.  What type of life are you planning to live through the lens of others?  When the rubber meets the road they most likely will not help you to rebuild.  Think about that one.

My refusal to be a Yes person has served me well.  I want to have authentic relationships not built on what others can give or do for me.  Often times people’s respect is tied to what they can get or what they think you need and once you take that off the table is when you see people’s real representative.

So have a yes in your spirit which means be willing to have tolerance, be open to disagreements, and be okay with down times.  However it doesn’t mean allow others to walk over you, take advantage of your time energy or money, and definitely be okay with the word NO! 

No isn’t bad.  No just means you’re not able, don’t want to, or simply not today Satan.  You will confuse people with no. You will hurt a few people along the way. You will make a few angry.  You alone will know why you are using your NO. When you get real grown you can say NO and don’t have to give an explanation. Fathom that.  Not everything needs a thesis.  No means no.  Just because some feel they are deserved of one doesn’t mean they are going to get it.  

This isn’t a go crazy and just use this blog to tell folks off but if you do, at least do it with conviction.  You don’t need my permission, remember?  Put checks and balances in your life.  You will know when something doesn’t feel right. Trust yourself.  Its okay to turn down people and things.  Yes all the time isn’t a healthy way of life.  You will do yourself a disservice.  Be authentic and tell a few folks no!!

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