Frontin for the book….

I have seen this phrase at least 10 tines in the last few days.  Yes I counted them, I count everything.  Anyway, what people call “frontin for the book,” is worth a conversation.

Frontin for the book means someone is posting things on Facebook that seems too good to be true.  This person is acting as if their job, money, or relationship is solid when others most likely the ones who have knowledge that the situation is the opposite sees.  So let’s take it back to the days of Polaroids, you know pre-social media days.  Pull them out and look at the faces.  For some of my young readers, Polaroids were instant pictures that were used to capture moments.  

Facebook and all other social media allows people to capture memories just as fast. The same type of images we see show people at their best.  If people posted a picture and reflected the times they were the most sad, irritated, upset, hurt then there would issues.  People would exchange the word frontin with drama.  You do realize that no matter what stage of life you are in, we all have hard times.

MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIPS AND FRONTIN

I have gotten many people who say how people always look like they are happy. Let’s keep it real, they are not.  People are attempting to keep things together. Some days are good ones and some are bad.  Some days you think why am I still here when things hit the fan. 

Marriage and relationships are not easy. Even some single people have it hard.  So we need to allow people to post one whatever they want. It’s personal social media pages, delete, unfollow, or block if you feel the ones frontin is disturbing your personal peace.  Learn to allow people to do as they please.  How do you not know that instead of seeing negative images or post when they are upset that the positive posts are keeping them afloat?  Marriages go through phases. Those frontin are behind the scenes making it work orrrrrrr at the very least even if they decide to divorce know it’s all about doing everything you can to save a marriage.  I know that’s a hard concept in this instant marriage and divorce generation.  

I know of couples who have been in divorce proceedings continue to post and keep things on the up and up. Before the settlement hits they decide to reconcile. Why? They realized the issues they had weren’t worth losing the relationship. OMG, what?! Yes when you are in front of judges and about to lose your family things come into perspective.  Lastly, separated is still married.  On a break, is still married.  Almost divorced is still married.  No matter what lie whether intentional or not until they are divorced, married folks are still married and entitled to act like it until then. Stop going for the many games hoping it will pay out for you.

I’ve never believed that others on the outside can’t see what others on the inside can see.  However if you aren’t in a relationship or married the respect like of receiving when you aren’t or haven’t been in the trenches isn’t as high as someone who isn’t.  That would be asking advice from someone who has only been married for a month versus one who has been married for 20 years or more.  The one with the most experience is the one I weigh the advice.  

Frontin and marriage goes hand in hand. You don’t need to air your dirty laundry for the world to see.  You deal with it. You may outsource but be careful who you seek counsel from. The only votes who matters in a marriage is the couple who took vows.  Even in infidelity the couple is the only ones who control their actions. So stop coming down on folks for only sharing the good.  Trust and believe if a marriage is solid they have a network even if it’s small of whom they confide in when things go left.

One last thing, if you have communication with a married woman or man know that venting is real. Everyone gets mad.  Most couples don’t break up easily.  If you find yourself in the middle of a love triangle, fall back. The outsider will be just that on the outside.  If someone leaves their spouse for you, you will lose them how you got them.  You are simply scratching an itch that the spouse wouldn’t.  If you ever had an itch you know it’s a matter of time before the next one comes.
Social media allows each and every last one of us to pick and choose what they want others to see. The man flashing his money could be the same one on SSI clubbing every week.  The woman making it seem as if her man holding it down could be trying to encourgae her man to do better.  She could be holding him down the same way many men want their women to do but complain when they see onelse holding theirs down.  Oh another nugget, most relationships go through lost of incomes.  Just because a woman or man seems to be frontin the bill, unless you know ALL of the back story don’t look like a fool.  People tell you what they want you to believe. I know men who are in between jobs whose wives hold them down and to keep that man’s ego in tact they don’t take their man’s dignity.  Again these are real life situations that happen daily. 

What you call frontin for the book could be that, could be holding things down, could be playing dumb, could be doing the most, could be holding a dead relationship, could be disaster, but since we ALL do it to some extent, learn to let grown folks be grown.  No one knows why people do what they do, but life is judgemental, learn to judge yourself more.  If we put more stock in what we needed, where we we’re going, we wouldn’t try to analyze everyone’s social media post.  Oh and Facebook or social media isn’t life.  Learn to connect with others off of social media more than maybe you would know a heart of a person more than you know an emoji. Everything that looks gold could just be gold plated but it’s folk’s choice to choose.

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