When you look at your friends you can tell just about all you need to know. Friends that you choose speak volumes on the level of integrity you may or may not have. You may be your own person but there’s no way the friends that you link up with don’t share at least the same core values you may have. This works for both men and women. Let me say to all folks especially if you are wanting to be in a relationship with someone check their friends. The dirt that is covered up between friends is clear. If the person you are dating has questionable friends, than be selective in what you are zone in during the dating phase. The family is who you need to meet and check but don’t forget to check their friends too. It is one of the telltale ways of knowing what that person does.
The Gossip Friend
My mom ALWAYS said a dog that gives a bone will take a bone. You may have that friend that has the tea may be good in a pinch when you need your daily dose but unless that friend has a solid foundation, that friend will always bring the drama. Oh FYI that goes for men. Men gossip too. They just call it catching up. However it remains the same concept. Be leery of those who always got something on someone else but they don’t always got their own affairs in order. You have to know when to hold that friend at bay. Know their purpose. You can’t confide in that friend when you know they can’t wait to air out your laundry while calmly sitting on theirs. If you decide to keep that friend on your team, do NOT be alarmed when others know your association will tolerate your existence. They know you have the same capabilities that your gossiping friend has. I know, I know you aren’t really like that, are you?
The Bragging Friend
You know it’s not that all friends are in the same space at the same time. Often times your lives may be in different directions. So when you have a friend who is always seemingly up, there’s nothing wrong with it until….
They seem to make sure they throw in your face their latest. They go out of their way to make it appear as if no one else on the Planet has what they have. Now let’s be clear there’s nothing new under the sun. Unless you are hanging out with the likes of celebrities, there is someone living the same quality of life or better. These type of friends rejoice when they have and then down play when your sparkle of new come. They are quick to remind you that they did it first. Be careful of this friend. This friend actually won’t be as outspoken as you think. They speak in many forms.
The Never There Friend
This is the friend that goes ghost for months at a time until they need you. Now let me make one thing clear, there are many friendships that can go months without a conversation and pick up like nothing happened. That’s not at all what I am referring to. These are the types of relationships that are one-sided. This friend ain’t never there. You can’t find them. They always got some junk with them. They hit you up ONLY to make them feel better. No relationship on the planet can ever be one-sided. One sided relationships are just situationships. They are only beneficial to one party. You do NOT need this in your life. Relationships should be about deposits AND withdraws. Another word is the “I got” you friend. They speak well. They make it sound beautiful but their words don’t match what they do.
The Fake Friend
We all have had these. This is the friend that appears to love you. They seem to be the one you need. Then all of a sudden they start to change. They reveal their true self. They weren’t on your team at all. A fake friend can start of a good friend. They can be one of the above friends, but time will always reveal. No real friend would talk badly about their friends. It’s one thing to talk about a situation that may have occurred but good friends may have comments but they also have resolutions. They have assistance. They have support. They don’t love. They have a general concern. Fake friends do not. Fake friends usually reveal themselves in the above descriptions. Fake friends always come with weight and I do not mean the kind of weight you check by stepping on a scale. This is the type of weight that consumes you from being the best version of you that you can be. Even if that friend is outright raggedy with those around them, there should be something positive that comes from their presence in your life. No drinking and having a good time isn’t one of them. They should be pushing you to achieving your goals, traveling, getting degrees, opening up businesses, staying in your marriage, being a good parent, something.
No one will like all of your friends. That’s ridiculous to think that is possible. I have friends that some people love and others that they do not like. That’s life. However there isn’t a friend that’s on my team that hasn’t told me about myself, that hasn’t been there in the difficult times. I have and will easily take a friend and place them in the associate category easily. I am not the type that is in search of friends so bad that I am willing to ignore the signs. I have had friends who I have gotten into some beef and either we were grown enough to deal with it or we wasn’t. I have ended friendships too. Sometimes seasons change and people reveal that they have temporary placements in my life. I wish all of my temporary friends well and cherish the memories that we made. I will never allow someone on my team to disrespect my marriage, hurt my kids, or treat me with less respect than I am due. I have friends from different walks of life. They all have helped me in some point become a better version of what I look in the mirror today. Even my longest friendship I know has had its bumps in the road, however at the end of the day, she still serves a positive place in my world. I am a temporal person. A lot of people would be surprised to hear that about me. I can be easily irked and agitated. My real friends have told me girl, get over it and guess what, I didn’t curse them out and start a fight.
The one rule I have with my group of friends is that we talk to each other. If one friend is going through and there needs to be something said, we speak openly. There are no secrets in the friendships. There are no pow wows happening that can’t and aren’t repeated to the parties that need it. That rule has served me well.
My real friends have been able to reach me when I was literally falling and making a spectacle of myself. My friends have been able to move mountains in my life not by their resources alone but by loving that I need space at times and allowing me to be me. So shout out to real friends. I know Drake said “no new friends” but always keep space in your heart for others. You never know what season of life you may be in. As friends rotate, you need to understand placement and allow life to happen. New friendships take time but are worth it.