Parental Heart Check

We live in a world where image is everything.  As a parent I know that the mirror is even greater.  Everything that is said and done is going to be scrutinized.  Now as a parent I attempt to not pass judgement on other parents.  I understand fully that there is no manual for it.  I know that each parent has to parent even children in the same home differently.  However there is really one exception to judgement and that’s when anything you do involves abuse.  Before you begin this is not a debate on whether you beat your child or not.

Over the weekend there was a video of a parent that literally beat her daughter for having sex in her home.  If you want to look at the video for yourself be my guest but I will not be displaying that video on my Facebook pages etc.  Goggle #niagreen and you can see the video for yourself.  Now as a parent of 2 daughters, I can understand the mother’s anger for having her child in the home having sex and being 16.  If my daughters had done the same I would be rather upset.  However this is where parenting and being on team too much enters.  There have been plenty of folks that have had sex in their parents house, and most likely got some sort of consequence.  The issue with this new wave of parenting is social media shaming that is going too far.  Too many parents beating their kids for the gram but won’t parent any other time.  They would rather show their kids in these bad lights but miss how it actually shows how the parents are the ones who are off as 5 left shoes.

How many parents have to go to jail for beating their kids before it stops?  I mean back in the day parents beat their kids and if there was significant amount of evidence, they went to jail.  However why would you record it live for the world to see?  I mean you are practically fluffing up the gray blanket in your cell early.  Parents I get it you want to teach your child a lesson.  You want to send the message to them and anyone who will attempt to follow them that you mean business and that you aren’t okay with the behavior, but social media shaming will do more harm to your child than you think.  One you are putting yourself at risk to be behind bars.  As much as you want to rally support, beating your daughter like a grown woman will not teach them to stop having sex.  Now being the investigative person that I took a look on the child’s Facebook page and noticed several inappropriate posts that were suggestive that the child was into some things WAY before the sex act took place.  So where was the parenting before then?  Yes some kids can have a parent that is on them all the time and still do but I would rather that then to know in my heart I did nothing.

As parents the time to parent isn’t after they get into something but before.  I mean even Stevie Wonder could see that the child twerking for boys, and shaking her ass was a sign that hey maybe I need to step in.  Then the excuse from the mother is she’s a single parent and works hard.  Who isn’t these days?  You are at work, but you aren’t blind. Take some time out and parent your child.  Will that stop your child from having sex?  No.  If they are going to do it they will. Set some rules.  If they are doing things that is less honorable to themselves then they should know clearly what they will lose in the process.  Beating the hell out of them won’t stop the behavior if that’s all you plan to do.  So there’s no follow-up?

Parenting is hard.  Parenting takes a toll on you but the child didn’t ask to come here. Parents have to step up and have conversation with their children before this?  If your child does something they aren’t supposed to do and they will learn to separate emotion and do the right thing.  Beating the crap out of them may not be the answer either.  Be consistent and make sure that the punishment fits the crime.  Also one thing that I am learning is to have compassion.  That’s the one place that your child should have is compassion in the home.  The world is cruel.  The world isn’t filled with second chances and that’s a great lesson to teach them but get balance.

Please understand the only goal I have as a parent is to make sure that my kids aren’t sitting on someone’s coach aka in a psychiatrist office because of me and their dad.  I am not interested in being my kids friend.  I want them to have stability and to be protected.  I want to be able to be well-rounded individuals.  However kids will do things you don’t like. They will pull on your heart and your emotions.  Parenting is designed that way.  But I admonish every parent to do a self check.  Please stop showing your children signs of emotion.  The yelling for no reason.  The name calling.  The hitting them just because.  The lack of getting help just because you don’t want anyone in your business.  Every hurt parent I need you to seek help for yourself.  You will become a better parent.  I need every parent to recognize that they need a mental time out and take it.

I was at a restaurant just last night and witnessed a parent push and swing a 6 month old baby for crying.  It hurt my heart.  I felt paralyzed on what to do.  If that parent is doing that in public can you imagine what is happening behind closed doors?  Shaken baby syndrome is abuse.  Abuse is real.  Abuse is not something that can be taken lightly.  Many children are abused and there is no one speaking up for them.  It usually stems from things that the parents are internalizing from their pasts.  Please every parent do a heart check this morning.  We can really do a lot of damage to our children.  We can hurt them past bumps and bruises.  Even with my own children I am conscience and more aware of what I say and do.  Be willing to apologize to them when you don’t get it right.  They need to see that so they can do the same.  I say to myself all the time whatever I do they will mirror.  I want that mirror to be right.  It won’t be perfect but I need it to be right.  Parents please do a heart check.

Also if you know of someone who is harming their children, speak up.  Talk to them about the issue.  Let them know that you do see it.  You won’t be popular.  Trust me they will get defensive.  I would rather lose a friend trying to save a child than to keep a friend knowing they are being abused.  IF you are that abusive child and you don’t get help then whatever consequence you receive is what you should get.  You should have someone intervene if you won’t do it for yourself.  Parents we have to band together.  Oh and if you were wondering what happened to the baby?  The mother I saw in another part of the restaurant and I informed her that I saw what she did to that baby.  I got the typical mind my business response.  Raise my own.  I kindly let her know I am raising all 3 of my kids.  I encouraged her to get some help.  I told her that usually when warnings like this come even from a stranger that her lack of taking heed may not result in the same exchange.  She then walked off and left but I felt better for at least speaking up.  Again most people will be defensive.  I am not arguing with someone on parenting skills but I will stand up when clear cuts of abuse is taking place.  I pray for that mom and that baby now and pray that the mom changes.  I pray God’s protection for the baby as well and the other children that the mother had with her.

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