So welcome to lesson #2 or one might call it 2.5. In lesson one we talked about the “big d,” divorce. Divorce is never easy but often times it’s a word that is tossed around very freely. Divorce can become an option once both or one parties aren’t willing to do the work to make it work.
I’ve given my disclaimers and if you missed it re-read the “big d” blog because I refuse to give you a watered down version of the lessons I’ve learned in my marriage thus far. Marriage has had highs and some very low blows. That’s just the nature of marriage. Can you be happy? Yes, absolutely. One free nugget is getting married when you have gotten to know self is important. Your happiness will never be fulfilled by another person. If you think that a man or woman will complete you, this is a going to lead to a downward spiral.
So back to the broom, one thing I have learned from having several roommates in college is when living with someone the way chores and responsibilities are shared is important. I was unfortunate not to have been able to take a mind reading class. My husband hasn’t that I’m aware of although I’m sure he would have loved to. With that in mind thinking that he knew what I was thinking doesn’t work in love and marriage.
Do I know trivial information about him? Yes. You can’t be with someone for so long and not know the little things. However in marriage it’s easy to get in ruts and play the “you should know game.” Comfortability is the devil. So how does a couple of break down how to mesh well within a household? Communication.
When I was a stay at home mom I found it was easy for me to get meals on the table, keep laundry clean, and run behind the little ones while he was at work. For me I didn’t think it would work for him to do what he did all day and come home to assist me in the things I could have done in the day. Now before my 2016 women attack me on the whole I ain’t cooking and cleaning for no man, balance is key. Just because he works all day doesn’t mean he can’t help or doesn’t mean he can’t assist. But let’s recap what I would do, soon as he walked in the door I would go off and get loud. Why? I was ready to go Katie kaboom from the kids, being at home wasn’t a walk in the park, and also I was in a mood.
Not once did I communicate that I needed a break. He should have known. No I should have said what I needed before the go off. So while I’m throwing a broom (in theory) I could have passed the broom. I could have said how things could have worked for him and me. Nope that didn’t work.
Oh another free nugget, had I just asked and not beaten his head off when it wasn’t done to my liking he would do more. Even now I can get more done for our home by my approach than before the go off just from simple communication. Happy wife, happy life only works if the wife learns herself and learns to come to the marriage ready to balance family and self. Passing the broom means that as a couple, communicate the needs. Kids will come if it’s meant to be. Jobs will come and go but one thing that can drive a wedge is uncommunicated expectations and uncommunicated request. Mind games will not make a marriage work. It will break it down.
I’ve learned to be okay asking for what I need. It’s not always easy but it’s necessary. If I need me time, I’m getting to the point to speak up and not feel uncomfortable doing it. My husband like most men can move easier than women. Sorry men this isn’t a dig to you but very factual. But women we got to own that often times we come from a I can do it better so I’ll just do it. Things don’t have to be done exactly the way we would. You and a husband are two different people. Be okay with different. But whatever you do pass that broom. Pass it and communicate.
My husband and I have been in heated debates but most of them came from two people assuming. There’s a small word in the word assume. That little word will and can do more damage than a little bit. Pass the broom ladies, he can help. You can help with his needs too but it all.comes with less Jedi mind tricks and more busting of the gums aka communication.