Lesson 4, Maintain your Sanity

So we are still going along with the marriage lessons learned in my marriage as I approach my husband and I’s 4th wedding anniversary.  The next lesson I learned is to maintain my sanity. So it doesn’t matter husband or wife need to balance their lives together.  It doesn’t need to be one-sided where you as a couple can’t do things with friends or have alone time.  You do not need to be joined at the hip.  It’s okay if you like to be but for most a little variety is the spice of life.

When you are married its very nice to do things together and live like a couple.  That means there is a lot of compromising that needs to take place to make it work.  Although your husband can’t be at the bar every night drinking with his friends or at the club every weekend doesn’t mean he can’t have some time with his friends single or not.  Now the word choice I’m going to use my scare a few of you but for the rest of the world, I do NOT sugar coat.  If you think by keeping your man locked in the house is the ONLY way he is going to stay faithful, you are sadly mistaken.  You can’t hold that man’s dick in your hands all day.  I know that was a bit of a sting but that’s the honest truth.  That man or woman will have to make choices and do what’s right by the vows they made.  If you have to MAKE them faithful you are going to lose in the end.

When you balance you can have fun in your marriage.  I swear that’s why folks who are single don’t want to get married.  We are conditioned to believe that we have to do it all together and any time apart is like inviting the devil to your marriage.  No if the devil is in it it’s because both or one of you invited him.  You need time as a couple, individual time, family time, and friend time.  That’s a lot of folks to spread your time with but it CAN be done.  You are a full person you need more than just your mate to make it in this world.  If you are married you need to act like it and that’s plain and simple.  You don’t want to act like it don’t get married.  Be single but don’t mess up over nobody.

When we got married I didn’t get that memo.  I may have gotten it but I didn’t live by it and it caused issues.  It was another married friend of mine who encouraged me to stop being so rigid.  That simply means live life and enjoy it.  You got married to be with the one you love.  You can take a trip and come back and have something to talk about.  You can enjoy times with your friends and come back because you know you didn’t do anything that would dishonor your vows.

Now we all need to be reminded of that but for my LADIES, this is vital.  Men are conditioned and live in a society where they can move better than we can.  I know that sounds like a cop-out but it’s not.  Women are expected to be in the house, not go out, not hang out, keep the kids, etc.  We have to find activities that we liked and did before we got married and although you cut back you don’t cut out.  If you were in a book club, keep reading and being involved.  If you had girls night once every few months, keep doing it.  If you have an annual girl’s trip, go don’t cancel.  Your husband has ZERO problems keeping it together for the most part.  When you get married, you are to spend your life with a person.  You can come to that table with other experiences other than just your spouse. You can be balanced and keep your sanity.  You can do it all, it takes a will to want it and to not keep flaking out on things just because a mate doesn’t want to go. I used to be stuck in that mind-set.  If he doesn’t go or want to go I have to stay behind and that’s not true. Do NOT be afraid to speak up for what you need.  Often times in order to have balance we need to make it known to our spouse that we NEED them to give us time, money, resources, etc. Speak up and do NOT feel guilty.

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