Ask Toi: Can Real Friends Tear you Down?

If they wasn’t your friends, they wouldn’t…It sounds nice and all but sometimes even real friends can hurt you.  It boils down to YOU and how you interact.

Real friends can be self-absorbed.  Real friends can be mean.  Real friends can be insensitive.  I know this wasn’t the answer that you were looking for but you have to understand that real friends start out by being real people.  This means that can go through a gambit of emotions when interacting with one another like any fake friend could.  The intent and the repetitiveness is what you need to look at.  If you go to your real friend and call them out on it simply because it hurt you or made you uncomfortable and instead of apologizing they got defensive and that was the end of it, than you need to revisit your friend.  Real friends should be able to make mistakes and fix it and move along. Again I said fix it not continue in the same bad behavior.  Bad behavior is bad behavior from the Pope on down.  There are no free passes.  Be careful who you associate with but understand that if you are looking for perfect people you may be alone.

Learn to use discernment.  I had a friend who was always super absorb.  She only cared about herself.  She would talk about her stuff ALL the time.  She never was happy for those around her.  She would always tell us that she had it so good as if we weren’t allowed to have success in her presence. She would act like her life was above everyone.  She didn’t have many other friends.  She was always coming off mean.  No one outside of us would even deal with her.  She was standoffish.  She was selfish.  She was rude.  She thought if others couldn’t tolerate her mess they weren’t supposed to be around her.  Imma tell you what my momma told me, everybody ain’t telling the same lie.  Maybe a different one, but not the same one.  You need to evaluate.  There will come a time when the friendship will no longer serve you.  It should serve both not just your friend.  It should make you happy, secure, content, and when you leave out of your friend’s presence it shouldn’t be draining. You shouldn’t feel like you need that friend’s acceptance especially when you and are grown.  I think some friends like that don’t even know that’s how they come off.  You have to speak up and let her know in love.  It may fall on mute ears, but you owe it to yourself to have a friend that is above all


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