Relationship Overhauls: Clingy Mate

So in the last week I’ve gotten several Ask Toi.  I decided since most of them were about relationships to make them into full blogs and to make it a series.  I will answer the non Ask Toi questions in regular Ask Toi formats and if you have more relationship questions you can ask them at toitimeblog@gmail.com

The first question came from a male about his girlfriend.  The question is how do you get your girlfriend to stop being so clingy?  You got questions and I got answers.

One of the many reasons that couples experience this is simple, comfortability.  You start getting into that cozy I’m good mode.  Instead of hanging out with your friends you decide to stay home and spend time with your new boo.  Although there’s nothing wrong with a little boo loving, the issue can turn into disaster quick.  You need to continue the same activities that attracted you to your boo.  When you met you were going to the gym and you weren’t readily available.  Do NOT allow your schedule to always be so open.  It’s good to have you time, couple time, down time, family and friends.  It will allow you to come together and have something to talk about.

This issue of clingness can happen to early and established relationships even marriages. Again the issue is in not balancing and not having other interest outside of your mate.  If you find this to be your current fate, get busy. You don’t need to occupy your every second but start by adding a once a week activity. This can be tricky if you have children but it is necessary. It’s called a standing date with yourself.  Making yourself just as much as a priority as you do the relationship.  You should never have a relationship take so much of your time where you neglect yourself.

How to safely approach the topic is key.  You want the other person to know you love them and love spending time with them.  You could suggest a day called a time out day.  This is a day that both you and your mate knows is a day to do you independently from each other. This will cut down on it and if you like the one day there’s no rule in adding another day too.  Keep the conversation light. If you are the clingy mate should not give your mate an issue to hang out with friends every now and again.  If your issue is not enough quality time then be an adult and say what that looks like.  Do not give the I don’t know answer when asked.  This is not going to help. If you do not know what you want or need how will someone else.  If you can’t communicate your needs than coming together with another person is going to get irritating.  No one person is a mind reader and should not be available to you 24 hours a day like a diner.  Get your mind around what a healthy relationship looks like. Holding on too tight won’t make your new boo love you more but feel resentful and disengage.  Cut them some slack and enjoy life around you and not always through the eyes of another.  The best relationships are the ones that can be independent and collectively happy.

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