On My Own Terms

So this weekend I was able to cross the beach off of Summer list to-dos. It’s not like I went on a major vacation but the reality is that I was able to really enjoy some down time with just me.  I left the kids at home with their dad and set out to be happy and peaceful for an entire day doing what I wanted.

To the many moms who struggle with finding balance between the many roles and hats, this is a major task. One as women I know first hand what it’s like to support the needs of literally everyone around you and often times being depleted.  We aren’t as vocal about what we want and need and often times our lack of getting our happy banks fulfilled turns into nagging and complaints.  It’s not that we enjoy the constant reminder it’s more that we can’t find our voice and settle within ourselves that it’s okay to take some moments. We are conditioned to think that if we take some time out the house will burn down, a child will go missing, no one will eat and everyone needs our presence to survive.  It’s usually not true.  When I returned home from my beach day, the house wasn’t perfect but everyone was accounted for.  The kids had about 2-3 outfits on at once but they were alive. They had pizza and not a home cooked meal but they weren’t starving. The point is they were fine and with relaxation as my glow so was I.

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On the beach I befriended a young woman, she was there by herself.  She was minding her business and enjoying herself as I was.  Then a married woman next to me asked me a question which turned into a conversation.  Her husband was catching some waves and she informed me that in her 65 years she had never taken not even a small trip by herself. I thought about my single days.  I would keep clothes in my car.  I was carefree.  I took many trips without even thinking about it.  I had fun.  I was relentless about being happy even if it meant that others around me didn’t agree.  As a wife and mother I have to be responsible.  I have to present. I’m okay with that but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be in my happy places and find inner peace.  This doesn’t mean I have to put everything on hold.  I think that although it may be challenging it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. So on the beach armed with music and magazines, I laid out. I took the BEST nap.  I swam and let the water soothe me.  I ate what I wanted to eat without sharing.  I journaled.  I re-wrote my goals.  I reorganized my personal goals.  I made every attempt not to think about life at home.  I took in my scenery.  I walked around and met new people.  I listened to the things around me.  I was at peace.

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My goal was also to make sure I had some awesome tan lines.  Don’t be fooled Black folks get them beautiful tan lines.  Do not worry I definitely had my sunblock for safety but I made sure I soaked in the heat.  I love the beach.  I love the sand but my family doesn’t always share in the same sentiments as I.  Was I supposed to let another year pass and have this longing to be on the beach but not go?  Not this year.  I got up, gassed my car, and hit the road.  To all of my moms do you know how invigorating listening to adult music is? Do you know how much I enjoyed eating every bite of food without sharing?  I enjoyed it all. I felt not one once of guilt.  No mommy guilt.

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I plan on doing this more often. Maybe not the beach since Summer is coming to a close but more activities outside of my normal Barnes and Nobles/Starbucks run.  I have no plans of cancelling those days but I want to add to my out and about activities.  I had the best time and I encourage all of my followers to increase your ME time.  It’s important to be on top of your personal well-being inside and out as the benefits of me time is invaluable.  It keeps your mind clear, aids in the healing of depression, keeps you grounded, allows you to achieve your goals more.  Don’t say things like I will get to it tomorrow.  Make yourself your biggest priority.  Your loved ones can benefit from your extra smiles and happiness trust me.




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