Ask Toi: How Do I Tell my Wife About Her hygiene?

Okay to my male readers let me just say I am so glad that you stop by and visit with ToiTime.  I know a lot of my topics seem to be more generated towards women however I do try to mix up a few male perspectives but not acting like I know what’s it like being a male but getting men to speak for themselves.  This answer will be very detailed with things you may not want or need to know.  However when a man reaches out to me about things he needs to understand and in this case on such a sensitive topic I have to dive in.

Now for one I was always taught that you can smell yourself before someone else.  A few weeks ago I had a wife write in about a husband.  Ladies and gentleman how you smell affects intimacy.  How you smell affects how close someone wants to be around you. Please stop using the excuse if you loved me.  No the real is if you loved yourself you would clean yourself better plain and simple.  This is not a cookie cutting blog so to pretend that an adult is funky and to make an excuse for it won’t happen here.

Although there are medical reasons as to why a woman may not be as clean as she needs to be the end result is often time in the delayed response.  I have heard things like someone can’t help the way they smell.  Nope that isn’t always the case.  It usually has to do with the lack of handling business that is the culprit. It can come in the form of not washing or even just not going to the doctors to seek help and it went unchecked but still is noticeable.  Even homeless people know that they smell and some don’t want to be that way that is why we who are able-bodied and can do for themselves have to do it.

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For you kind husband to seek help in discussing a hard topic has to be hard.  No one wants to go to a spouse and tell them that they smell.  I would definitely talk to your wife when things are calm. Try to do it as soon as possible.  The more upset that you get will make it harder for you to speak to her.  Also be honest use words like I noticed, is there anything going on that I can help…

Know that no matter what you say she may come off defensive.  She may need to see a doctor.  She may need to change how often she is taking care of her hygiene.  We can go back and forth on product choices but at the end of the day she needs to find the products that work for her body and use them.  Let her know that you love her and that you want to be closer to her but the body odor is making that hard to do.  If she doesn’t correct it I know some other blogs will tell you that you are supposed to give a person time but in reality on body odor the amount of time it takes to enter the shower is not that much time. Some people can make things bigger than they need to be.  If my husband told me I smelled I would be mad at myself but I would be hitting that shower fast.  This husband isn’t dealing with someone who occassionaly smells sweaty we are talking about someone who just isn’t handling their business on the regualar.

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There are a few things that as ladies we need to be aware of:

  1. During that time of the month be vigilant in showering if you need to more.  Invest in adult wipes that can aid during the day. Change your pad or tampons regularly.  Also if you choose to keep your vaginal hair long then understand that hair holds odors and during that time of the month blood too.  Powders don’t mask odors.  Do not use powders in the place where simple washing needs to be done.  Also dry your vagina so that you aren’t having water, in areas that can hold smells as well.
  2. Make sure that if you are a heavy sweater that if you need to make changes in your underwear to combat that then do so.  On the same lines please do not wear the same bra daily.  Bras are to cover our breasts and if you sweat under your breasts and keep wearing it often all you are doing is wearing a sweaty bra that is holding odors as well. Nothing good can come from this.
  3. Throw out old underwear.  This should be a given but if you are grown holes in your drawers is not the business.  That hole is making it easy for more sweat and then the cycle of sweat and smells start over again.

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These are just a few things that women need to be reminded.  Some women scare me. I know for a fact that women aren’t as on top of their game as they should. How do I know go into a public bathroom. Women leaving pads without wrapping them first or disposing them properly, women using the bathrooms but leaving their “presence” behind,etc. We are not perfect however if you are constantly having hygiene issues please get help before a husband has to write in.  Once a husband has to write in this means that things have gone left.  No man wants to sleep with a funky woman unless they are desperate and if so that speaks more of them than the funky woman.  You can’t expect initmacy in a funky situation.  Every reader reading this knows this.

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Lastly while we are on topic I mentioned it briefly above but we can’s use the committment to make excuses for where we aren’t.  You can’t tell someone if they love you they have to put up with your flaws.  They do but you have to be accountable for your actions as well.  Love covers a multitude of sins but let’s be vigilant in checking ourselves too.


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