Ask Toi: Is it ever okay to text/call someone else’s mate?

From my reader: “My cousin constantly calls my husband for things.  It could be a ride, borrow money, there’s no limit.  I have said something numerous times to my husband to stop answering the calls but he said he doesn’t want to appear mean, what do I do?”

One, the first conversation you should be having after your husband is to your cousin.  If your cousin needs anything that should come through you first.  To me it’s about simple respect.  I don’t know a cousin of mine that is going to call and ask to borrow money from my husband.  In our house the family member that is related to needs to ask the specific mate.  So if your cousin needs anything he/she needs to call you directly.  I don’t get what is wrong with folks when it comes to the respect line of husbands and wives.  You do not go to another persons mate for things like money.  That’s a no no.  You don’t go to people’s mate like that.  There may be others who disagree but that’s how you cut down on drama.  The drama doesn’t even have to be anything else other than keeping respect in the forefront.

I’m not anti helping your family, but its’ your family it should come from you as far as the initial discussion and then you and your husband see what and if you are able.  My thing is that the cousin it way too comfortable at this point and that needs to be stopped.  I get your husband doesn’t want to come off mean but he needs to understand how you feel about it.  IF you have an issue with it than it needs to be discussed and come to common ground. Not only that you KNOW your family way better than he does.  He needs to take your lead on this.  I would tell him that if she calls he can tell the cousin to call you from now on.  You may find that the calls won’t even come anymore. I’m not saying your cousin is using the situation but I  do know if its honorable he/she won’t have problems coming correct.  Anything that takes people away from their households should be discussed between husband and wives in the household.  It sounds like to me things are getting done and you are hearing about it after the fact.  Let me also bring another perspective as well, your husband needed to communicate because some folks will use things and then turn them into things much bigger.  Your husbands don’t need to have things turned into the wrong thing.  As a wife you should know before things occur in regards to your husband with your family.  I know the whole premise of when you get married you marry into families but family don’t mean call for anything, get what you want, and not go through your own blood line either.

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