Ask Toi: Why is it seem my married friends always down me because I am not married?

There is a sense of accomplishment when a woman gets married.  I’m not saying all women but a lot of them think that having a wedding ring and a marriage that means they have arrived.  What you have arrived to being married is dealing with another individual through tough times, having to put your own stuff aside at times to support another and another responsibility.  I am a married woman I think it’s a great thing because I want to be married. What about the women who are super secure and don’t want to be married? Let me guess the wives club think that because they are married they can snub their noses at people? Some do.  I am not speaking for all wives, I can’t.  However I know plenty of women that as soon as they got engaged make it seem as if they have made it and then everything becomes about when they get married.  It’s natural to do so because it’s a new season in your life.  I know plenty who did that and never married.  I know some as soon as they married it only took that mentality to another level.

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Which woman who act like they have their behinds stuck in a tree because they are married?  Women who already think they are better.  Women who treat other females badly will be the ones to gravitate to this behavior.  The “I am a wife” mode activates at the altar.  Marriage is for the couple.  As much as I can wave my ring in another woman’s face, no one really cares that you are married but the folks that took the vows.  I am not belittling the wives club at all.  But a lot of women rant about they are the wife as if someone can come and snatch their title like folks snatch chains.  You can’t make anyone hold you in high regard because you decided to make a lifetime committment to one person that you chose.  Marriage is a beautiful thing and many people love when you see a solid example of how to make it work but let’s keep it real, marriage is work.  Marriage is for the couple and a family.  It is not for the my singles friends can’t get on my level crap that I see time and time again.

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No wife needs to treat an unmarried friend badly over a ring on your hand.  I know plenty of women who are married to single-minded men.  I know plenty of women whose husbands talk down and badly about them due to this type of behavior.  Let me give you an example of what I mean especially if you watch Love and Hip Hop LA.  Brandy is married to Max Lux.  She barges into the studio on the most recent episode and because of a beef that another cast mate had with her best friend she thought that her husband shouldn’t work with that female.  Instead of pulling him to the side she makes a scene.  Yells I’m his wife I can shut down a studio session down if I want.  Que?  You can. Where do they do that at? You can’t come to someone’s place of employment and stop things just because you are a wife.  That’s not going to work.  But this is the premise of how some wives act. You are a wife and you are entitled to all the benefits that your husband and you make. This isn’t an act a damn fool card that you can wave in other people’s face.  Although I agree that single women have no bearing on what they can tell a wife in some regards I do not believe in cutting off my friends because of my left hand accessory either.  Every woman who is your friend has a value to add to your life no matter what stage you are in.  If a woman friend that you are dealing with acts like you may want to think a few times if this woman married or not should even be on your team. Oh and let me cut the well as a wife I’m not going to let someone disrespect me either claim, who are you around that is doing this?  If it’s that bad whomever these people are, you need to cut em.  No friend who is a friend would be doing disrespecful things to mess up a marriage so no need to use that excuse.

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Let me say to my single readers, I would never write something demeaning to you just because I am married.  Marriage is a status.  It changes your tax bracket and your life personally however you choose to make that happen.  It’s not a time for me as a married woman to act like being married is so grand when in reality if married folks would keep it real its one of the most demanding things to do outside of having kids.  It is time-consuming to not be able to just get up and do what you want but to think of another person.  Is it easier when you are with the one you love? Absolutely but in this divorce driven world, marriage and making it work comes at a price that if you are single be prepared to pay and know what you are getting into.  I applaud my friends who take their time and wait there is so much I learn from their wait.  Married women do better and knock this foolishness off.  Like my mom always tells me, you never know when you will be one step away from being single again so cut the crap and honor your marriage, your relationships in general and yourself.



6 thoughts on “Ask Toi: Why is it seem my married friends always down me because I am not married?

    • Yes some people don’t see women as have arriving Unless they are married which is not true. Marriage isn’t the end game and ultimate token of womanhood neither is being a mother


      • I always feel that a lot of women think that marriage is the end game. And marriage means you are a woman now. This all just reinforces the idea that women must get married, that women need a man. To even think about holding marriage until later on in life is a crime, and marriage must be a priority in our lives. I feel a lot of my friends who are married seem to have an air of smugness around them 🙄

        Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly! I think that’s what a lot of people fail to understand. We all know nothing in this life is guaranteed so why would marriage be any different? I understand that marriage is precious but it doesn’t mean it is guaranteed. Anything can happen tomorrow and you could be single again. And being single is not a problem. So I think a lot of people need to drop that smugness and remember that being married does not mean you’re set for life. I just hate this whole idea of marriage being an ultimate goal for women.

        Liked by 1 person

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