Husband vs. Hubby

There really is no debate.  A husband and hubby aren’t one in the same.  I see so many women who have these long-term boyfriends calling him “my hubby”.  Okay let’s break this down.  This “hubby” of yours is someone you claim to be the love of your life. However this same man hasn’t made a step towards being a husband nor made you a wife. You are wifey.  This is the term we give as a pacification of marriage.

We love each other.  We working towards marriage.  We want marriage maybe in the future.  However he is not your husband.  You do not have rights if something goes left. You are wifey not recognized by the state, hospital officials, none of that.  When I met my husband and we were dating in college, we fell hard and quick.  It was such an intoxicating relationship.  It was nothing else I had experienced before.  He was my first so that just made it even more special.  We couldn’t get enough of each other.  I loved the smell of him good or bad.  I just wanted to be around him all the time.  You couldn’t tell us we weren’t made for each other.  Few things wrong with that scenario, I began acting like a wife and I wasn’t.  I was giving him wife privileges and again I wasn’t his wife.  One day during a break up he said he wanted to date other people.  It broke me.  It broke my spirit.  I learned a tough lesson.  I wasn’t the real wife that I had made up in my mind.  My wifey title didn’t entitle me to a damn thing.  He went his way and I tried to fix the broken shattered pieces. He appeared to be fine while I struggled to go to class, keep my grades up.  When I did attempt to date other people I found it hard.  I couldn’t focus past wanting him.  I had some extremely good suitors step up to me.  They wanted the same things I thought I wanted but the pain of my hubby breaking my heart left me battered.  It took almost 2 years of healing and no contact with him to get myself where I needed to be.

I think the term of hubby is cute for a split second.  The implications that many women take with the term can be deadly. It can kill you in the long run.  Maybe you can walk away from a hubby and be fine and not have the same issues I did.  I say kudos to you for that. However there are a lot of wifey material women who have had their hearts ripped out of their chest for overstepping the dating line and allowing parts of your heart to think of your relationship where it’s not ready.  Let me say that as a wife now the areas I was engaging in when I was trying to be wifey weren’t good.  I am not only talking about sex.  I am talking about the place where you allow that man to live and he hasn’t earned it.  You allow this man to take a husband place and he may not even be husband material.  My boyfriend then wasn’t husband material.  He wasn’t a provider, he was a broke college kid. He wasn’t someone who could even care for my emotional needs.  He wasn’t someone who was a protector like a husband needed to be.  He was developing his own mind and figuring out what he wanted to be.  How could he be my hubby?  He wasn’t.  I gave him that place like a lot of other women do all around the world.

I watched the finale of Jim and Chrissy last night.  I promise you I hadn’t watched the season.  After watching how Jimmy had been with her for 11 years, how she proposed to him, how she gave him space in her heart as if he was a husband and he wasn’t and spoiler alert she decides to walk away….proves my point.  She has been called stupid and every other negative word but many women do the same thing. When that man wants to marry you and make you a wife, he will.  He will ask you.  He will set his life to start bringing you in.  However a hubby will do things here and there.  Hubbies aren’t bad men they just aren’t at the level of husband you keep telling yourself he is.  Stop giving these men these hubby titles.  You end up taking care of kids with him that may or may not be yours.  You start aligning your accounts.  What happens if it ends?  What laws will protect you?  Know those rights before you engage in hubby/wifey relationships.  That’s why they say playing house is not good.  I did it so I am not going to act all holier than thou.  I had 2 kids outside of marriage.  I am no angel.  But in those times when things would have gone left me and my kids in all sense of the word would have had to fight for what I should have made sure was rightfully mine by having my own.  Ladies if you follow my blog you know that I was laid off and moved in with my then finance and his mother.  I did what I had to do.  I also got comfortable too.  I should have been trying to get me together.  I did eventually but in the meantime of doing that even as a fiance what could I claim?  Kids aren’t financial aid packages.  They are no guarantees for a good future. My then fiance was great about and still is now as a husband about the safety and security of me and the kids but not everyone can say the same.  So do me a favor, love your boyfriend and be the best girlfriend. However know what your game plan is and if he doesn’t make you a wife stop giving him wife privileges.  Do NOT waste years of your valuable time.

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One Comment

  1. cocoamommy

    Great advice. A boyfriend is not a husband and unfortunately relatiinships move so quickly to allowing those privileges. Yes, I agree we as women should invest in ourselves to establish what is required in our relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

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