Our Daughters are Watching…

So it’s no surprise that our children are watching our every move.  Anything we say and we do means a lot to them even when we think it’s no big deal. I was watching the episode last night of the RHOA, (Real Housewives of Atlanta) and the conversation between Cynthia and her daughter Noelle struck a nerve.  Noelle stated that her bedroom was close to her mother and stepfather’s so often times when they were arguing she could hear what was being said and wondered if her mother had low self-esteem to put up with the banter back and forth.  Now back when I was a kid there was no way a blunt conversation like that could have been had.  My mom probably would have back-handed me.  It’s just as simple as that.

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I think about my 2 daughters all the time.  When they see me doing anything they are like little mini sponges so I am careful with the things I say and do.  Since I am not perfect I do try to be transparent and let them know that mommy made a mistake and apologize. There was a time when my husband and I would fight well argue I want to make it clear what level of fighting I am talking about.  I often think about if that will cause damage with at least my oldest.  We barely fight now but in the beginning, that first 2 years was anyone’s guess. My oldest, the 7-year-old is sweet but she is definitely doesn’t miss a beat and she will speak up. If she thought my husband and I was fighting and I was being less than the woman I want her and her sister to be I know she would find a way to say it. I can make them of course stay in a child’s place.  I still believe in that which is why I am careful to have too many adult conversations in front of any of my children.  I know its old school but no child will be mouth and ear opened while I’m too busy trying to get the latest tea. We don’t even watch certain shows like RHOA in front on them because they don’t mirror what my kids needs to be seeing in the first place.  However since I was raised in a keep it real household I can’t be mad if my child overhears me and her father being disrespect, teach her respect but get mad she recognized it was wrong.  There has to be some type of balance with all of this.

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Back to the conversation, a young teenage daughter asking her mother if she had low self-esteem to put up with the things she heard is a lot.  Marriage isn’t easy.  Marriage looks differently for everyone.  So what one describes as disrespect in their marriage may not look that way between another couple.  I thought what I would be thinking if I heard my daughter say that to me one on one let alone on national television.  The only thing I could think of was total devastation.  I would be crushed.  I am sure Cynthia felt the same thing.

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How can we mirror good relationships and still be real.  One is being sure that the relationship or marriage brings the best out of you.  No man or woman should make you cry more than they make you smile or laugh.  Yes marriages go through seasons but if those seasons are only high when your mate is taking you some where or buying you something, than you already in a bad way.  We can’t expect our daughters to find love if we aren’t mirror first self-love.  Self love is super important and its a journey.  In these times that are super filled with hate we need to be a demonstration of love to our children.  We draw in good love when we love ourselves.  Relationships get rocky but we owe ourselves and our children not to continue down a path of self-destruction when it comes to who we entertain and take into our spirits.

I don’t know all of the ends and outs of Cynthia and Peter’s marriage.  It’s really not meant for me to know what all went down.  What I can say is that Noelle is reaping all that the marriage had to offer by her intake on what her mother took in.  We are our sisters keepers and we definitely have a charge to watch we do and say in front of our biggest mini-mes.  Our daughter have to see us as the first example of what it is like to do right, take charge mothers, aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc of what you allow the mirror to reflect.

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